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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Im falling in love with 2 different women. Both are

Resolved Question:

I''m falling in love with 2 different women. Both are treasures...precious gemstones of the highest quality. When you can''t trust your heart or feelings in discerning which to actively pursue, what do you do? How do you select one diamond over another diamond? Both nearly flawless. Both brilliant cut. Both precious in their own unique way. This is a process that has gone on daily for months via the internet and through the use of an interpretor. My pursuit has been one of friendship, but it''s advanced to much more. I''ve been married and divorced 3 times, but am not sour on remarriage and children. Both women are half my age and have no problem with my age. Can you put me in the right direction?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

What is your age?

How did you meet these women?

Why do you have to speak through an interpreter?

Where do they live, in relation to where you live?

How far do you plan on taking your selection, marriage?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Sorry, I have my chat function disabled. I'll be 60.
I met them through internet services. I probably received 1000 hits over these past several months, but responded to less than 10%. I didn't realize that the service was worldwide. I just pursued the friendship looking for a soul mate. Both of the ladies live in China. I've not spoke of marriage to either one of them, but I'm inclined to do so. In fact I'm tempted to tell one of them to get on the first plane to me and I'm not taking marriage off the table. The selection has me not trusting my feelings. I only playing one against the other in my mind. One of them, I'll say more beautiful than the other and quite erotic in her responses to me, puts me thinking that there is more to all of this. The other with our flirtations seems to have it all...interests, feelings, hopes, desires...etc. Both ladies are looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage. As long as I feel about them this way, I can't move forward. I don't trust my thought process in this case. I'm definitely wanting marriage and family, so do they both.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

I would be remiss if I didn't start out with a warning. I've been working here for a long time, and if there is one thing I have seen a huge, explosive growth in, is internet scams. No I'm not telling you that these women are scams, I'm only asking you to be very careful, and if anyone asks you for money, for anything, allow your alarm bells to go off. These girlfriend scams are so real and so detailed, that sometimes they will wait 6 months to a year before they ever ask for anything, because they have so many targets that are responding. You never mentioned how old they are, but that plays a big part as well. How you will meet them is an issue, because men have been known to travel to another country to meet these scammers and have been killed. Or if you ask her to come here, chances are she won't have the money, you will pay for the ticket, but there will be some problem where she will have to pay more money to get out of the country or some excuse why she can't come. They will offer to send you copies of their passports or other paperwork (which most normal people will never send a copy of something so important to anyone) but usually they are fake or stolen. I've actually placed ads for clients and screened the responses to help them find someone real who wasn't a scam.

With all that being said, I turn to your question. When you allow yourself to fall for two different people, you know eventually that you will have to choose one. We allow things to go on as they are for as long as possible, hoping one of them will make a mistake and give us an excuse to choose the other. Since neither of these women are even remotely close to you, I would say that you don't owe an allegiance to either at the moment, you still have time to get to know both of them more before making a decision. A decision that has to be based on a multitude of things.....what if you choose one, and that one is never able to come to the US? If they are both able to come, then you should wait until you've had a chance to meet both of them before making a decision. Knowing someone online is very different than being around them in person. You're right, at this time you can't move forward because you don't have anything yet to base a decision on.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


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Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Thank you for your warning. I have considered that matter. My loyalty is that the one who I draw closer to touches my heart the deepest, but it's not the erotic level that I'm on with the other. I certainly like all that but my concerns go deeper and the other appears more capable of handling the other concerns. Don't tell anyone that you heard this from a guy, but there is more to a marriage or a relationship I quite flirting with the one that I can't let go two months ago, but she still responds to me and there is always the unwritten word and reading between the lines. The feelings are one of comfort and hope. I almost, last week in fact, was about to discontinue my letters, but as long as I felt about her the way I still do, I can't pursue the other because I don't feel the same with the other. I feel that I'm being deceitful. I don't like the feeling. Asking for your help only reinforces my desires for the other one, who tugs at my heart. I would consider the use of a professional negotiator to deliver my concerns to both. Would you know of such a service? Are my questions getting dumber? I've been alone for 5 yrs and these ladies have been the first refreshing hope that I've had for a long time. One would have been enough, but two equally precious gemstones.... This exercise has been helpful, but if you have anything additional, I'd appreciate it. Thank you, Mike
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
Hello Mike,

Thank you for the generous bonus, it's much appreciated. You are right when you say that there is more to marriage than sex, believ eit or not there are other men who feel that way, they may just be too embarassed to admit it. :) If there is one who touches your heart more than the other by all means, use that as a mitigating factor.

Don't ever worry about dumb questions, there's no such thing. I could help you negotiate, if that is something you would would have to explain to me the direction and what you hope to achieve.

Should you consider meeting someone closer to you, let me know and I have some suggestions for that.

I'm at your service

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