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Ed Johnson
Ed Johnson, Consultant
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 10760
Experience:  USC, BS Psych & Soc.; Transactional Analaysis; U.S. A. D&A Counseling, Family Advocacy, Anger Mngmnt
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I have been in a part time relationship for 4 years.

Resolved Question:

I have been in a part time relationship for 4 years. This man is married i am not but we got involved when his wife was having a affair. They moved across the country but he comes back here to work 7 months a year (we work together). He has children 7, and 10 says that he afriad of them hateing him. The whole last year has told me that he has deep feelings for me but wants to see of they can make it work. I had a brain tumore removed and not even a call from him. Could he be triing to figure things out or was a i just a way to boost his self esteme? He will be comming back in 2 months again. How can I find out if I mean anything to this man? Or an I just a cheap stupid and nieve!
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ed Johnson replied 9 years ago.

Dear broken101,

Thank you for your question.

He could just be trying to figure things out as you suggest; but more than likely he is trying as he said to work it out with his ex. I believe, from what you are saying that his level of caring is low, else he would have called you while you were having the operation.

I do not believe he was using you to boost his self esteem. One might think that. But what I am seeing in what you wrote is that he really was confused. His wife had an affair and so he may have felt entitled or confused. Kind of like: well if she does not care anymore for me than that, I am free.

but once he tasted the freedom, and started thinking about his kids, his heart suddenly belongs there.

I do not think this reflects negatively on you, it is just something that is not where you would like it to be right now.

I definitely do not thing you are cheap or naive. It is hard to see the reality of a situation when you are so closed to it and so emotionally involved. It sometimes takes an outsider, like us, to see the truth.

My advise would be to let him go, and if he returns, to not start up again if he has not terminated the other relationship. He is just not available to you at the moment.

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