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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Gay bf had explosive outburst of anger today; first time ...

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Gay bf had explosive outburst of anger today; first time displayed. Has annoying habit of waking me up knowing I am a day sleeper. Anger today is really last straw. What is least stressful way for someone with bipolar, Aspergers Syndrome issues to say this relationship is OVER.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you been together?

-Do you truly want the relationship to be over?

-Which one of you is bipolar and have Aspergers Syndrome?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: -Ages: me 47 him 80 plus.

-How long have we been together: probably one year?

-Do you truly want the relationship to be over: I do not think that we are sharing the Golden Rule treatment one to another.

-I have both the Bipolar Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome, also Diabetes and related conditions.

-Have a low tolerance for stress. Have had to go to Psychiatrist recently for Depression and thoughts of suicide. This has interferred with scheduled times I was to see my friend. His anger presumed I am doing other things than seeing him today. I explained this several times and agreed that it might look like this to him. Regret if it does. He was not calm at all! He has fallen in a pattern of waking me and knows I am a day sleeper. Calls super early on cell then home phones waking. I would not wake him. Not only is this not good for stress, it affects all health aspects when I cannot sleep for a ringing telephone for someone who is anxious (versus eager) to see me.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



You have to also be careful because people with Asperger Syndrome don't do well with change and it often stresses them out also they like a routine and if you move abruptly you may bring even more stress to yourself on top of the diabetes and the bipolar. If you do plan to move you have to make it a process. I understand you being upset at him waking you during the day if you are a day sleeper and you definitely need your rest it help to keep you healthier than you would be with no sleep at all and plus you are breaking your routine and with the condition of Asperger Syndrome that throws you off completely. My daughter has Asperger Syndrome and if she doesn't follow a routine it throws her off for the entire day.

I'm pretty sure your mate know this of you already and I think he is just angry that you haven't had time for him and this is his way of getting back at you but what he doesn't realize is this is harmful to your health and there are healthier ways for him to let you know he didn't appreciate you pushing him aside like he thought you had done and since you explained to him that he did not push him aside intentionally you have to explain to him that there are things about you that you seriously need to work on and that is what is consuming your time and maybe he will understand better why you haven't had the time he would like for him. If you have done this and still he is angry then maybe you should start the process of being able to leave the relationship without stressing your self out.

First you need to tell him that it isn't working and that you need time to yourself then you have to prepare yourself for this huge change because you if leave the relationship abruptly it will only be harmful to you because of the Asperger Syndrome. Don't make any hasty decisions until you are totally ready for the change. You need someone in your life that is going to understand that you do not need stress and it's not good for your health and if your mate is not giving you that support then you may be better off apart. He has been with you for a year or so and should understand your health issues by now and it sounds like he is being a little selfish and I don't' see him changing now because is he 80 years old and set in his ways.

Just as you don't do well with change nor does he and it is making the two of you clash, if you can not work through this together then things will only get worse. The age difference may be causing some of the strife without either of you knowing it; he comes from a totally different generation than you and sees things differently than you. Maybe if you feel comfortable enough to let him go to your counseling with you he may get a better understanding of what you are going through but if you don't feel comfortable with that then don't allow him to go because that is your session but he may want to feel included in some way with what you have going on in your life. Just remember to make the transition an easy one do it in steps and make it a stress free process as much as possible, you are not obligated to make him happy especially if you are not happy yourself it's only when you are happy within yourself that you can make someone else happy!

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