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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My husband and I have been married 18 yrs, and together 24.

Customer Question

My husband and I have been married 18 yrs, and together 24. Both of us seperate check accounts. He has decided due to old history that this is what he wants. But occassionally. due to not making as much as he does, I have had to use his debit card to pay a bill. I dont piss the money away on something friviolus. I pay a bill. He gets very angry and upset. Threatens to turn me in for fraud and theft, and says that its theft. Am I doing something wrong, I do tell him what I do. I dont lie, or hide it, a few times I forget to tell him before hand, and forget, but when when he ask I will tell him what I have done.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
Who is responsible for managing the bills?

Why doesn't he take the debit card from you if he doesnt want you to use it?

Any other problems beside this?

Are you looking for relationship help or legal help?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We both manage the bills. I forgot to pay this bill which is normally mine, but our daughter graduated last week and this was a over sight. Also my own debit card had broke and I am still waiting for the replacement one to come, If I didnt pay the cell bill, while he was out of town, the phone would have been shut off, and we would have no way of contacting him.

This mainly the biggest issue we have, he keeps our finances very seperate. I dont hide mine from him, but I have no idea what he has in the bank. Long ago I wrote down his debit card number when I asked him for it to pay a bill a long time ago.

I think either help would work, as he has threatened to file theft charges and says Im stealing.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Many couples keep separate bank accounts but the also keep an account that is for the household. The way to set up this account is to create a sheet of all of the bills, what the amounts are, and how much each of you are going to contribute to the account each month. Of course if one person makes less, they cannot be expected to contribute as much as the person who makes more. This way, all of the bills come out of the household account, and you each still have your own account. You're not stealing, you're paying a household bill. However, I would be concerned about being in a relationship with someone who would even think about pressing charges on me. I'm not sure what happened in the past that caused him to be like this, but it might be time to sit down and talk finances over so its not something the two of you keep arguing about. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.