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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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My boyfriend and I had an argument about if it is ok or not ...

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My boyfriend and I had an argument about if it is ok or not to give or recieve backrubs from other people of the opposite sex. He told me that he got a backrub from a friend of his who is a girl and made fake orgasm sounds to be funny. I am very bothered by this so we talked and I told him how I feel. He agreed not to make the sounds again but still thinks that it is fine and innocent to get or give backrubs to girls who are his friends. I feel like it is a flirty behavior and I don''t do it. He disagrees that it is firtly. I just want him to hold himself to the same standard that I hold myself. I feel like we define flirty differently and that there are other things that he may do that hurt me but that he would not think should hurt me. (He hasn''t but he sees skinny dipping at night with guy and girl friends as innocent.) He wants freedom to do whatever he wants and I think sacrifices have to be made when two people are in a committed relationship and you can''t just do what you want.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long hve you been dating?

-He skinny dips with his guy and girl friends?

-Is drinking involved with the skinny dipping?

-Where are you when these things go on? Are you there?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
We are 19.
We have been dating almost 2 years
He has not skinny dipped yet, but said that he may in the future.
Drinking is not involved
These things happen when he is with his group of friends, at a cottage one of them has. I'm not there.
I'm just worried that we have different views on what's ok. He wants "freedom" but I don't think these things are appropriate and I don't do them with my friends. I need to be on the same page with him, but maybe I'm just overreacting.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



Not it's not okay for a guy in a relationship to skinny dip with anyone other than his girlfriend as a matter of fact it borders being disrespectful. You need to tell him that you won't put up with that kind of behavior from someone that claims to care about you, tell him to think about if the tables were turned and it was you who wanted to skinny dip without him being present and how would he feel. I don't think the back rub is as bad only if it is done while the two are alone then I would have an issue with that. He may just be secure in his relationship with you and really feels that he doesn't need to have anyone else in his life but he has to understand if his actions hurt you then he should want to change that and not do anything that would hurt you.

You should sit him down and tell him if he respected you he won't go skinny dipping with anyone other than you and since you and that you don't feel comfortable about it. He should agree and if he doesn't then he is being a little selfish and thinking of only his needs. You may also need to rethink what you are getting out of the relationship if he is willing to skinny dip with others of the opposite sex. That could very well lead to cheating if the right situation came along and this is something you don't want to take a chance on happening, stick to your guns and don't give in even a little bit don't compromise your beliefs for anyone right is right. If you have anything to add click reply.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
He thinks I'm making my feelings more valid than his. When I say "why would you do something that would hurt me?"
He says that not letting him do what he wants would hurt him. So why are my feelings more important than his, he asks.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



A relationship is 50/50 and this is probably what he means but going skinny sipping and doing things that could get him into a compromising situation is not part of that and he should understand that in any relationship if the guy would do that the female would be hurt by those actions and the mere mention of doing that kind of thing. You are not being selfish it is him that is only thinking of self and someone needs to make him see that. It's not an emotional things it's a moral issues it just isn't moral to do something that would compromise your relationship. It seems as thought he doesn't even consider you feelings when he makes those kinds of decisions without asking your opinion and considering it.

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