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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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My girlfriend seems more distant than normal. And more ...

Customer Question

My girlfriend seems more distant than normal. And more recently she has started taking a long time (hours) to return my calls. But when we hang out, she acts as if nothing is wrong. I confronted her and she said everything is fine. Not sure what to do.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you been dating her?

-Do you have a reason not to trust what she says?

-Is she an honest person?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: -What are your ages?

I'm 30 and she's 22.I realize this may be an issue with the age difference because I've been through a lot more than she has. If it's any consolation she's very mature for her age. And has a good head on her shoulders.

-How long have you been dating her?

We've been seeing each other for over two months now.

-Do you have a reason not to trust what she says?

I have no reason to not trust her. I do trust her completely. Although it seems that when I brought this situation up on two separate occasions, the first thing she brought up was if I trusted her or not.

-Is she an honest person?

She seems like an honest person. Occasional white lies like most people, but nothing serious.

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

(this is long, so bear with me.)

The situation has changed from when we first started going out. It seems to have started after a night out with friends. Our friends noticed that we were very affectionate with each other. It was a friendly call out, but it made us realize how affectionate we had become. Two days later, We had just gotten back from hanging out with her friends. She was on the phone in the bathroom,weird? and then she came out and said her friend just got into a car accident. And she needed to go help them. For some reason I felt the need to call her friend that had gotten into the "accident" (whom didn't even know I had her #)and they were playing roulette at a casino?! After I hung up with them I called my girlfriend right after somewhat angrily, without thinking it through. Do you think I may have crossed the trust boundary there? Also that next week she took all day to get back to me, so I text her back 8 hrs later saying "why the F*** are you ignoring me?". It turns out I was wrong again. She had been sleeping the whole time and woke up to three of my texts.

Geez. After writing all this, I think I may have an idea of what is going on. Is it me that's pushing her away with my insecurities? Could this be why she has become more distant? And taking so long to get back to me? The only reason I ask is because she got out of a really bad relationship 8 months ago. Maybe she is scared that I'll turn out just like him. Which would never happen.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



Other than the incident where she was sleeping, she did lie to you about her friend getting into an accident so it's not totally you but you need to get her more trust until she shows you that she doesn't deserve your trust, she just hasn't given you reason to not trust her other than saying her friend was in an accident maybe she told you that because she thought you would get angry and didn't want to cause a fight. She is young even though she acts mature she isn't ready to be tied down and have someone to answer to so maybe you should try letting her have her time with her friends and call her in the evening and if she isn't home maybe you should allow her that time. Yes, you have seen more than her but you have to allow her to make her own mistakes and learn from them just be there for her and show her that you trust her even if the urge comes over you not to trust her.

She may be scared but maybe she just doesn't want to have to answer to someone after having to do so for so long she wants you to be that cool person she met and care about and she doesn't want you to change and maybe she sees sign of that other relationship in you and this is what is pushing her away. Even though you know you won't be that bad she doesn't' know that and is gun shy now give her time she will come around and see that you are NOTHING like that other guy. If you have anything to add click reply.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Thank you for the quick response

So as far as her taking a long time (hours sometimes) to return my calls or texts, should I just suck it up and let it be?

The time it takes for her to get back to me has improved immensely, but it still takes a while.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

I would just chalk it up to her being in the middle of doing something or maybe she doesn't want to answer it at the time like you said she gives you no reason not to trust her so maybe she just doesn't want to answer the phone try leaving her a message and asking her to get back to you as soon as she hears the message or receives the text message. She will mature and learn the more the two of you are together if you have noticed an improvement then it could get even better as time passes.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
thanks for your time. This has been really helpful. I'm going to relax. Give her plenty of space. And slowly show her I'm not the dirtball that she was dealing with in the past.

Anything else I should do?
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

Good Luck to you and if you ever need my help in the future please ask for me by name Kim will do. Please leave feedback on my answer. Thank you!