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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Resolved Question:

me & my fiance recently relocated from NY to Trenton NJ. She works in Hamilton which is about 5 minutes away. we were banking on the idea that I will get a job in Princeton somewhere closer to hom so I dont have to do the commute to NY daily which is 2XXXXX& is ver costly $450.00 monthly. I have been doinf so for about a 1-1/2 year. This is very costly & a tiring commute. I ask her to relocate to Edison NJ, we can find a piece of property and purchase there, therfore I will be atleast 30 minute from work & she will be about 20-30 minutes from work. She does not want to and I dont want to do the commute. I have NO life with this commute by the time I get home from work NO time to do anything around the house I leave work at 6pm never get home until after 8pm we cant do things together anymore, we have to wait until weekends and she works on the weekends. I dont want this life I love her but I want us to enjoy each other EVERY single day! I dont think I am asking alot to relocat
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.


Has she said why she doesn't want to move?

What are your ages?

How long have you been together?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: she has her reasons that was her answer to me, & also she said that I dont have the relationship with her kids she want me to have, I think she is making things up as she goes. Moving will actually place me closer to my son also

Ages 34 &35

we have been together for 2 years
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

My question would be, how are you expected to develop a relationship with anyone, including her, getting home from work at 8p every night? This would be an opportunity to give you more 'at home' time. If she has a gripe that you are not developing a relationship with her children, then that is something that of course you will want to address since you have plans to marry her, but it's not a valid reason not to move, since moving will actually give you more time.

The fact that it would put you closer to your son is a double edged sword, while she should be happy that it would put you closer to your son and allow you to develop a closer relationship with him, she could also have fears that it would put you closer to your son's mother as well.

Having her reasons is not enough and is an indication of poor communication. Both of you are going to have to work on your communication skills and should sit down and put everything on the table...the pros and cons of the move. A mature attitude would be accepting that whichever choice has more pros for the family would be the way to go, unless there are one or two pressing reasons not to go that route.

If there's anything more you think I need to know or if you want to talk more, I'm here.



Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
i accept your answer I think this relationship needs to end. She cannot accept that more than one person said the same exact thing u said. she is not going to change i dont want to live like this anymore i am going to do what i always wanted to do travel & enjoy every single day. i know i am not d best person to deal with we all have our ways as human being but i never want to 4get that life is short & u must do as much as u can be all that u can be. she is more into her kids i like to keep a balance i like to enjoy the company of kids but still want to have our time.
i thank u for ur help
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
It's no problem, I am here anytime you need to talk. Although I always recommend that you try to work things out to as much of an extent as you can, sometimes the alternatives are limited. A relationship is a partnership and anytime one partner refuses something that would be best for everyone involved then there's a real issue. I'm sorry that you feel you should leave the relationship, maybe a separation will help her see things more clearly? Good luck with whatever you decide. I wish you the best. Feel free to request me by name anytime you need to talk.



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