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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
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Ive been seeing the same guy off and on again

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I''ve been seeing the same guy off and on again for a year now, he says he likes me and likes to spend as much time as he can with me but he says he just doesn''t want to be in a serious relationship until I have a good job, he owns his own business and doesn''t trust people too easily. should I give up on him before I get hurt or not?

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-Did you recently lose a job or never had one?

-Are you currently looking for a job?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: I'm 21 and he's 32
I've never had one before
I'm looking for one right now

ok, he has a daughter close to my age and he was married to her mother, he says another relationship isn't worth going through all the fighting and pain of a breakup again, I've known him for 5 years, and he told me liked me about a year and a half ago when I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend and I told him then I didn't want to see anybody so soon yet, he stayed friends with me but every time we went out he called it a date and I just saw him as a friend until just a few months ago, he's been pressuring me into trying to do new things like drinking, getting 2 different piercings, but he told me a week ago we couldn't see each other anymore until I got a job but he still calls me every night and wants me to come see him, he's giving me mixed signals, like he doesn't know what he wants. because when he talks to his friends he refers to me as his friend, but when its just me and him he calls me his girlfriend, I'm a little confused and don't know if he's worth the effort or not.



He may not want to make any long term plans because you are not financial stable right now and he doesn't want to take care of anyone as far as he calling you his friend in front of his friends and girlfriend to you, alot of men do that when they are around friends because they don't want to sound like they are on a leash. He said he broke up with you because you didn't have a job not that he didn't care about you. Many people men and women when they go through divorce it makes them not want to ever get married again, it takes time to get over the initial sting of a divorce. He may think because of your age that partying and piercing is what you should be doing but you have to tell him that isn't what you like to do and hopefully he will understand what you are trying to say to him.

Maybe when you find a job and can take care of yourself he will realize that you are motivated and mature enough to have a serious relationship with but if a serious relationship is what you want and he still says that he doesn't want that then you will have to figure out what you want and if this man is the right one for you but only you will know that and only you know how much you are willing too take. You will know when enough is enough the problem is will you be strong enough to walk away or keep hanging on. It just seems like when things get to rough he walks away, when you met him you didn't have a job why is he making such a big deal out of this now, it seems like he is finding reasons not to get serious but wants you to hang on at the same time.

Maybe you shouldn't make yourself so available to him anymore and see what happens and if he doesn't make every effort to get in contact with you then maybe he just wasn't worth all the time you have invested. If he thinks you are sitting around pining for him he can take all of the time he wants to and you will still be there. You are young yet don't do anything you will look back on later in life and wish you never did. If you have anything to add or have more questions click reply.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hi, thank you for answering my questions, I have just a couple more and thats it. before we started dating several months ago, I told him a few lies, I wish I wouldn't have done it to begin with because he says he doesn't trust me that much, will there happen to be any way I can earn his trust back? and I still live with my mother for now, I'm staying here long enough so that I can go back to college and get an apartment of my own, but I ask her to take me to his house when she's close by it sometimes so that I can see him, I know I have to listen to her because she pays rent but she only lets me stay with him now until 11pm, and he's wanting me to stay with him longer, at least until midnight and I'm wanting to go stay a couple of nights at his house but every time I tell her I won't be back until 11 or I want to stay the night with him she complains that she has to get up early for work and she doesn't want to have to unlock the door when I come home or she thinks that because me and him aren't married or don't have a place of our own that I shouldn't stay the night with him, what can I do about getting her to let me stay with him longer? I already don't get to see him much because of his business sometimes and its hard for me.



Explain to him that you know you've made mistakes and that you want to earn his trust back and earn is a huge word in this instance because the only way you will get his trust back is by earning it he isn't just going to start trusting you for no reason. As far as your mother is concerned yes as long as you live with her you have to abide by her rules but all in all you are 21 years old and should be able to spend the night out if you would like. Ask you mother if you can have an extra key made this way she doesn't have to worry about letting you in or unlocking the door. Even some teenagers don't have to be in that early. Just talk to your mother and tell her that you respect what she has to say but she has to let you be your own person and see who you want. If she doesn't change her mind about what time you have to be in the house then you just have to deal with that until you are able to get your own place. Your mother putting that time limit on your time with him may harm your relationship more than help it.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hi, I talked to my boyfriend again today, his names dave by the way, we went out today for a few hours and like I said before there's a certain piercing he's really wanting me to have done, he's wanting to do it himself, I want to do it I just have a fear of needles and every time he asks me if I'm ready to do it and I say no he says, do you trust me? I tell him yes because I do trust him but he doesn't believe me, and I've lied to him a lot, I hate admitting that like I said, I almost did it tonight when I was going somewhere, I was going to go through with the piercing and I was going to buy a numbing cream for before I had it done and I didn't want him to know because he teases me about being scared when I won't do it, anyway, he asked me what I was going to do tonight and I told him I had to go somewhere and he asked me why and I didn't know what to tell him but I'm getting tired of lying to him. what can I do to convince him I want to go through with the piercing and that I trust him? and today he told me I'm going to be a different person and nobody will know me when he gets done with me in a year from now, he said that I'll probably have a different boyfriend but he said "I wasn't saying I was your boyfriend" I don't know what we have between us if he says he likes me but he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, he hurt me when he told me that today, and I want to talk to him about it but he seems like he doesn't like talking about his feelings or he gets aggravated when I try and talk to him about it, what should I do? I would really appreciate the help again, I'm really confused, thanks.



Can I first ask you are you getting the piercing because you want it or is it because he is asking you to get it and you want to show him that you trust him enough to get the piercing? If you are doing it for him I would suggest you think again about that because that is something you do for someone when you are in a committed relationship and he has clearly told you that he isn't your boyfriend, so why get it done if he won't commit to you? It seems like he is trying to change you and for what? What about you is so bad that he needs to change you in anyway? You shouldn't keep your feelings bottled up just because he doesn't like to talk about his, you have to tell him how you feel and that you want him as your boyfriend. You seem like his trophy girl because he wants to do all these changes to you but not willing to call you his girlfriend. He may be going through a midlife crisis early seeing he is only 32 years old. He may have a fear of getting older and wants someone younger to make him feel young and yet doesn't want a serious relationship with you.

Don't allow him to treat you as his personal Barbie doll to do with you what he pleases tell him you are a real person with real feelings. He may be feeling that since when you broke up with your ex boyfriend and told him you weren't ready for a relationship yet that meant that you didn't want a boyfriend and this may be why he is saying things like "I'm not saying I'm your boyfriend or anything like that." You have to tell him that you ready to take that next step toward having a committed relationship and that you won't do the piercing unless you are going to be together in a serious relationship. If you don't tell him what you want then things may keep on as they are and you will just be in a constant limble. Don't ever do anything for someone unless they are willing to make that sacrifice also.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hi, things aren't getting any better for mine and his relationship, we're just friends now, and he told me tonight he's getting to the point to where he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, and when I go pick up applications for jobs I tell him and later he tells me he didn't believe me when I told him that. I don't know what to do, I regret ever lying to him, and tonight he asked me about getting the piercing done again and I finally told him I didn't want to do it and I was too scared, he tells me I'm just like my aunt who lies to everyone to get what she wants, what can I do to stop lying? after I told him I didn't want to do the piercing I told him I'm sorry I lied to him about having it done, and he said, "I'm getting to where I don't care anymore and I'm getting to know the real you better and better every day, you say you're sorry every time you get caught in a lie, why don't you just tell me you were just kidding instead of going through that?" I don't want to lose him as a friend because of some bad habit, I feel horrible about what I've done to make him feel this way about me, and I want to make it up to him and prove to him somehow I'm really sorry besides just saying it because its not going to help, I don't know what to do, I really need some advice here before I lose him as a friend, this is going to sound bad but I've been lying to him for 2 years and I've done it for so long that I don't know how to make myself stop, thank you for all of the help so far.


Have you ever thought about getting counseling or even talking to a counselor about why you lie so much to the person you care about the most. This way if you are seeing a counselor he will see that you are being honest about wanting to change. Ask him to give you chance to prove to him that you've changed. As far as not getting the piercing stick to your guns you don't want to do something you really don't feel comfortable about doing just to please him when he doesn't even know if he wants to see you anymore that would be a huge mistake.

It seems like you have been trying to lie on your own and you may need to some outside help to help you to do that because it has become so common place for you that you can not stop it now. That is why I said counseling may do you some good it doesn't mean you are crazy it just means you have some issues to work on and a therapist can help you do that. Just think about it and see if it's an option and let your boyfriend know you are trying to get help for your lying this may be you last resort right now.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hi kim, thank you so much for answering my questions for me, I have another problem, its kind of severe this time, I really messed things up for me and him, well sunday night I went over and saw him, we're just casual friends right now, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend, and he's still after me about getting a job, I'm trying to find someone that will help me with my lying, but until then I just kept doing it to him, and he got so disgusted with it that he thought it was stupid whenever I told a lie to him, anyway, sunday night we were talking and I told him "I'm so lucky to have someone like you in my life" and he said "you mean you're so lucky to have a friend like me in your life?" and that hurt me when he said that because I'm crazy about him, he's a lot older than me and he has more experience with women because of that and the fact that he has a daughter, oh, and I got his age wrong, he's 42, not 32, I'm sorry about that, it was an accident, ok, well, after that it bothered me for the rest of the night until I got home, it got to me so bad that I don't know what had come over me, I needed to get away from the house I lived in with my mom and my brother because its where he had dropped me off from a lot of dates at, so I packed my stuff in my duffel bag, called my moms 62 year old friend to come and get me at 12:30 am in the morning, well, this guys name is XXXXX XXXXX 62, he's not a good person at all, he's real mean, he lies constantly, he buys prostitutes, sells prescription pills that he gets from a doctor and he's tried to get me to sleep with him in return for a ride, and I have never ever slept with him before, he has tried to make me do things for him riding me around but I refused and he got mad, but he said he had a friend over and he was on his way to come get me, I told David this too, I told him 3 different things about what happened, thats the guy I like, and I snuck outside and asked joe where his friend was at and he said she went home, he took me to a hotel, I got the room key and I asked him to help me find the room since I've never stayed there before, and he did, and when he found it he unlocked the door and turned on the lights for me and he talked to me for a little while, he tried to get me to take my clothes off for him before he left but I told him no 2 times and he finally left, later, my mom and joe came back pounding on my door, turns out, my mom called him to see if he knew where I was at, and he told her where I was at and he even brought her to the hotel and room where I was at, she knocked on the door for about 30 minutes before I called the front desk and told them they were harassing me and not to give them a room key if they ask for one, and she came downstairs to get a key and he told her he was going to have to call the cops if they didn't calm it down, they left not long after that, and later joe called and said he was on his way home when I was watching tv and he said my mom called him and she wanted him to come stay with me so I wouldn't be scared by myself there, and I told him I'll be alright, and he said ok, and hung up, then I saw lights outside the window in my room and it was him inside his truck in the back parking lot where my room was at, pulling out and leaving, this is the part where I really need your help, I told david that exact same story and he didn't believe a word I said, because I stayed around town just walking around, oh, I forgot, my mom called when I was at the hotel and called david and told her I was gone, and he called me a little after 1 am and asked me where I was at and I stuttered but I never did tell him where I was at, I just said "why?" and he hung up on me and turned his phone off, the next morning at 7:15 I talked to him and I told him I had gotten a room and he said "why did you get a room for?" and I lied to him and told him me and my mom got into a fight about my dog and she thought I was pregnant, and she was mad at me, I got tired of us fighting so I left, and he didn't believe that, he said "you're BSing with me again, I don't have time for this, I'm out working trying to make some money like what you need to be doing, don't call me again while I'm working" I got my brother to take me over there at 4 that afternoon because I called him and asked him could I come over and he said "how did you get at the mall?" I told him my brother dropped me off there and he said "I don't care if Joe dropped you off at the mall, just don't lie to me about it" and then he said "listen, just go home, get some rest and you can come over tomorrow and hang out with me, ok? until then you don't have a way over here, joes not going to bring you, I'll talk to you later ok? bye" he hung up on me again, I had to pay my brother $10 in gas but he took me there, and we eventually talked before I was about to leave about the hotel and I told him the whole story, I told him first I was going to meet my ex-bf over there after he got off from work and he said "that doesn't make sense, why would joe come out of his way to come all the way to town, pick up your ex and bring him to the hotel room just so you can see him and joe won't get anything out of it? I'm not stupid, see, this is where you messed up, when you said joe went to pick andrew up from work to bring him over to the hotel, I'm not stupid, and I know you're not, you're just not as smart as I am" and I finally told him what really happened and he thought I had sex with joe, and he said "I don't care if you had sex with joe or not, its the fact that you and him went to a hotel room together, I can't associate myself with people that hangs around crack-heads and somebody thats buys prostitutes, you f***** this whole thing up yourself christy, no more casual friends, no more sex, no more little dates like we used to go on, none of that, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but I just feel like I can associate with somebody better that doesn't hang around with crack heads all the time" he wouldn't even let me touch him or anything after that, he said "call your brother and tell him to come get you, you know my trucks messed up and I can't bring you home anymore for a while" I usually stay with him until 10pm on the weekdays and 11pm on fridays, saturdays and sundays, it was 9:30pm when he told me to go home, is there anything I can do to save our relationship or to at least try and get him to change his mind, he said this is all my fault because of me running off with him last night to a hotel, david and joe hates each other by the way, david doesn't like joe at all because of the things that he does and joe doesn't like david because david talks about him, what should I do? should I stay away from him for a while and let him cool off, because he did say he was mad at me for going to the hotel, I know I made a mistake and he says we won't date again but if he's just mad will he change his mind after a while? I'm really upset right now, just answer this whenever you can for me, I'll pay you good for this one, thank you



Nice to hear from you again I wish you had better news though. I think you should for the time being leave David alone and try to work on yourself, your lying, getting a job and moving out of your mom's house, this is the only way I think David would give you another chance, if he seriously thought you were trying to change your life. Your relationship with your mom is a constant control battle between the two of you, you want to be seen as an adult and be allowed to stay out as long as you want to and she wants to treat you like a child still giving you a curfew for when you need to be in because it's her house, this is why you need to take the step to getting your own place and in order to do that you really need to have a steady income coming in.

David is just fed up with the lies and how it comes so natural for you without batting an eye, he wants you to be able to tell him to the truth no matter how much he isn't going to like it and in order to do that you have to seek counseling for that you are not going to be able to do it yourself. David wants you to be able to make better choices about many aspects of your life like, not associate with people that do criminal activities. He only wants the best for you and has your best interest at heart.

The first thing you need to do is talk to someone a clergyman, counselor, close friend, someone that can help you to see that a lie is far worse than telling the truth and it gets you no where but in trouble and heartbroken.

The second thing you need to do is work on finding a job, one that will allow you to be able to move out of your mother's home and be able to pay the bills each month and also will show David that you are trying to be a responsible adult and do the right thing.

Then I would talk to David about trying again but only if he sees that you are making progress and an effort to change the way your use to be. Then and only then will he even consider even talking to you again because he is fed up with everything you can tell by what he said to you and I think he means it this time. It seems like he cares for you alot but doesn't want to put a label on your relationship until you change and are able to tell him anything without lying to him that is all he wants is for you to respect him enough to be able to do that. If you have anything to add let me know.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
ok, what about my friend that took me took to the hotel? how should I talk to him about that? should I quit talking to him for good?



If it's the one that deals in selling prescription drugs and other things then yeah you should cut off ties with him, he can not possibly be a good influence for you and your relationship with David just the fact that he told your mother where you were is proof enough that you he doesn't have your best interest at heart. He seems like more trouble than he is worth maybe you should think about starting anew and beginning a whole new chapter in your life. That's what life is all about new beginnings and maturing into a responsible adult. Try having only positive people in your life and maybe that will help you to stop lying and make you want to be a better person always. Your happiness can only be made by you no one else can do that for you so make sure you work on you first before getting into a relationship with David.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hi, thanks again for the help, what I meant when I asked that last question was, when I do get my own place, stop lying and stop hanging around the one that sells the drugs, how am I supposed to apologize to him for me taking him to the hotel room with me when we didn't even do anything? he thinks I may have something, I'm not sure but I think he's a little jealous, I said I'm not sure because he told me he doesn't get jealous because we weren't in a serious relationship but he didn't act like he wasn't jealous last night, he told me my lies made me look stupid but he says I'm not stupid, I just need to stop my lying somehow, what kind of counselor can I see for my lying? I'm going to get help for this once and for all if it'll save my relationship with him, I had a job interview today and I have a 2nd one tomorrow, I want to tell him but everybodys telling me to let him call me, are they right? I appreciate all of the help, thanks a lot


I wouldn't wait for him to call me but I would wait until you seek help for your lying and have a job. Just a regular counselor can find out why you lie and the reason you started lying. Usually you can find a counselor in your yellow pages and that's excellent that you are making steps towards making your life better and that will not happen until you are out of the grips of your mother, she will no longer have control but you will have control of your life once in for all. Make sure you at least have seen a counselor and have a job before you even attempt to make contact with him this way when you do have contact with him you will have something to talk about. Let him know that you wanted to share your good news this way he will know that you are serious. Let me know if you need more help.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hi, well, david said he'll forgive me this time, we started talking again friday, but I have some bad news though, I lied to him twice again since we've been talking but I haven't done it anymore, I know he thinks differently of me because of that I just don't know how I can prove to him I'm trying to stop, I'm having a hard time finding a counselor I can see, I'm going to make some more phone calls today later, I talked to him earlier and he told me that me, my mom and my aunt were just alike, we all lie to get our way, only my mom will work before my aunt will, my aunt has a bad name because she's borrowed money from people and never payed them back and she lies to people to get a job and when she gets a job she quits it 2 weeks later when she gets her first paycheck without giving a 2 weeks notice that she's about to quit, and she's worked everywhere in town, what can I do to get him to trust me again? I know the trust between is probably all almost gone but he thinks because I lie I don't have any feelings and he said that I would feel bad about lying and I would try to stop if I did feel bad about doing it, and I hate doing it because I don't like making him mad at me, I've already told him I'm trying to quit because I don't like making him mad at me over stupid things I do, I don't think he believed me, he told me a few days ago that he's getting to where he didn't believe a word that came out of my mouth, I didn't get my last job interview when I went to it, instead I'm going to work with my mom every morning to clean houses with her and she pays me fairly, he doesn't believe I'm doing that and I can't prove it to him, I don't know what to do anymore, I would appreciate the help again, thanks


It is going to have to be a process and part of the process is to gradually get to where you don't have to lie to him anymore. Your lying seems to be a learned behavior and with all learned behaviors it takes time to change that bad habit. Your boyfriend has to understand you aren't going to stop lying cold turkey with any bad habit it will take time, he expects for you to just stop lying because he asked you not to. You learned this from the woman in you family and it isn't going to come easily. In order to prove to him that you are working you need to have him come with you and see what exactly you do, a job is a job whether it is hourly or wages or commission payments just because you don't have a wage slip does not mean you are not working.

It seems like he has too many expectations on you and needs to realize that no one is perfect we all fall short in some way or another. Trust has to be earned like I said before and it's a gradual thing he isn't just going to start trusting you without you proving to him that you deserve that. Allowing him time to see that you are trying and think about this the next time you want to tell a lie, the truth is better than a lie because you have to cover a lie with another lie and then you are so busy covering lies that you forget the last lie you told and that is how you get caught in that lie.

I think as you mature you will better understand how hurtful a lie can be and how your boyfriend feels when he finds out that you have lied but until then you just have to keep wanting to change but you have to change for yourself and not for anyone else if you yourself want to change it gets easier to do you just have to make up your mind that you want to be a better person and no longer lie and you want to be trusted completely and without questions about whether you are telling the truth or not.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
we're trying to work things out, he's still mad at me for going to that hotel with my friend that night, he says we're not dating, and when I get a job we can get a place of our own and be roommates, he didn't say anything about us dating though, he did say that we wouldn't sleep in the same room together because he likes sleeping alone and when he gets a girlfriend and when I get a boyfriend we can all do something together later, I guess he didn't realize he hurt my feelings when he said that, and I know trust is still the issue between us but I don't know how to tell him he hurt my feelings because of what he said to me without him throwing the job thing at me because I'll have a job if we move in together, how can I ask him about us being in a relationship without making him mad at me? thats the only problem I'm having with him, thanks for all of the help :)


It's the honesty is the best policy deal you need to be honest about you feelings this is the only way he will know that he hurt you but he is saying these things because like he said you haven't shown him that you are changing because of the job situation it's going to take some time like I said you have to give him that and show him that you have changed or are trying to change. Maybe if you get the job and move in with him and he sees you on a regular basis and notices that you are trying to change and making every effort to do so thing will get much better and he can tear down that wall he has up with you. You've hurt him and I think now he is trying to give you a taste of your own medicine just tell him you are trying and that his words cut you like a knife.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
ok, I've got another problem for the weekend, lol, anyway, it's really not funny, but that guy who took me to the hotel a few weeks ago took me to the mall 30 minutes away from here and david called right when we were leaving, and I told him we were at the mall in town when he asked what I was doing, and he said "I bet if I come up there you'll be with him won't you?" and I said no and he said alright I'm coming up there, and I guess he went to the mall in town and looked for us and we weren't there, and when he called back 3 times I didn't answer the phone for him, I know I said I wouldn't go anywhere with him anymore but he's my only way to town right now, and I can't tell david I was with him because he gets jealous for some reason, but we were at a curb store getting gas about to head back to town when I called him back and he said "why didn't you answer the phone?" and I said "I didn't feel like talking" and he said "well, our plans we had for this weekend or off I don't have time for your crap, have a nice weekend" and he hung up on me, now he won't answer the phone for me when I call, I don't want to tell him I was with him because he'll just get mad and it'll ruin any chance I had to be in a relationship with him, I promised him I wouldn't hang around with him anymore, today was my last day with him, I got my number changed yesterday and he doesn't know it, david knows it though, what should I do? should I just wait for him to call and tell him the truth and make him mad at me?


He is already mad at you and don't want to be bothered because you wouldn't answer when he called your cell phone. You agreed to work on the things that bothered him the most and in his eyes you aren't doing anything at all to change and you are going back to your old ways. We had agreed to always tell him the truth no matter whether he got mad and I had said that he would get madder at you lying then you telling the truth and now any plans you had for the weekend are out the windows, now do you see what he is talking about? He only asked you to change a couple of things about yourself he didn't give you a long list. He only wants you to change the things that affect your relationship with him. If I were you I would give him a cooling off period and then try calling him again I would give him at least a couple of hours and maybe by that time he would have cooled off and can possibly talk rationally with you. You really have to mean what you say when you promise someone something that is hurtful when you say you are going to do something and then you let him down and it really sounds like he is at his wits end with you, try to try much harder to avoid this other guy and ask someone else for a ride to town.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
the last time I talked to him was at 3:45, I just tried to call him but he wouldn't answer the phone for me, I'm trying really hard for him to change, but he's the only one that will take me to look for a job, I don't have anybody else, david told me to walk to pick up applications, I would tell him the truth about what happened but he won't even talk to me, I have enough money for a car, if I was to find one in good running condition I wouldn't call my "friend" again.
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hey, I just wanted to come on here and say thanks for all of the great advice, for 3 straight weeks I haven't told david not one lie, I recently had trouble with my mother a few days ago though, I know you're probably getting tired of me but I don't have anybody to go to, well, I went to his house monday at 10am to spend some time with him and when my mom found out I was gone she called and yelled and screamed at me for not being home to walk the dog, she uses my dog as an excuse to try and control me, don't know if I've already told you that though, sorry if I did, anyway, my came and hit on his door saying she was going to call the police and have me arrested for neglecting my dog and he got mad and told me to not answer the phone for her when she calls and that I could stay with him that night, my mom came and did the same thing tuesday only this time she was threatening to give my dog to someone else and he said "the dog deserves a better home if it'll give you back you back your freedom, she's been using that dog against you ever since you got him, he's suffering, you need to find him a better home so she can't use him against you anymore" she called the next morning and he told me to answer the phone to see what she would say, when I answered the phone she started yelling at me and I hung the phone up on her and she got mad and cut my phone off within the next hour after I hung up on her, I had another prepaid phone at home that I would use for when she cut my other cell phone off, since she does that a lot, the phone is in her name but I pay the bill on it, she called today and told me that she was coming to get me and I needed to help take care of my dog, and he told me to go and try and work things out with her but he wanted to tell her that if she tried to hit me that she would go to jail, and he said "if she or your brother tries to hit you, call me and I'll come pick you up and you up and you can stay with me until we get you a job and a place of your own, you don't have to put up with that" when she got there, he went outside to talk to her and they started fighting and they raised their voices at each other, and he got real upset and called her an idiot, slammed the car door shut and we drove off, I called him from the prepaid phone not long after I got home because I wanted to stay the night with him again, I called him to see if he would come pick me up and he said "where did you get that phone from?" I told him I've had it for almost 5 days and I got it in case she called and cut it off and he thinks because my friend Joe took me to a hotel room so that I could get away from her at least for 1 night that I'm a prostitute, he said "Pimps give their prostitutes 3 or 4 phones so they can use it to meet their men their pimps set them up with, is Joe your pimp? this all just doesn't look right, this is what I want you to do, theres a fast food restaurant thats hiring, didn't you say you're friends with the hiring manager there? you need to call her and seee if you can go in for an interview and see if she will hire you because I want to date you but you need to get your own place and a job first, I have to go now, I'll talk to you soon, bye." I tried to ask him when I could call him again but he hung up on me, I was telling him the truth about the phone and he asked me why didn't I give my other phone that my mom gave to me back to her and tell her that I got a prepaid phone so she couldn't cut it off when she gets mad at me and I could buy minutes for it when I got a job, I tried to tell him I wanted to keep the other phone until I could get a job so that I could afford to buy the minutes for me but instead I told him I wasn't thinking, and he said "are you trying to say you're stupid, why don't you just come out and say it since it sounds like thats what you're trying to say anyway, say "I'm stupid", come on, say it" and I told him no and thats when he told me he'll talk to me again later, what I'm trying to say is, how can I try and convince him that he's wrong about the phone, I know he was just mad but he's really hard to talk to when he's mad, I had a job interview last monday and the manager said she hired me and to come in the following wednesday at 5pm to see her, and when I got there she was gone and I had to get him to pick me up, he was real upset about that because he thought they had already hired me, so I have been trying to find a job, I hope I talk to you again soon, thank you, bye.


You really need to get out from underneath your mother because she is going to end up ruining what little hope you have to get back with your boyfriend with her controlling behavior, she treats you like a child and you are a woman now. As far as the boyfriend is concerned you are just going to have to wait until he calms down and talk to him more about the prepaid phone. He may just be thinking you are lying again because of the past lies it will take a lot for him to stop thinking that way but he shouldn't call you stupid or ask you to say that you are. You seem to be depending too much on other people and you really need to find a job, get your own place and be your own person don't let other people justify you, you justify yourself through your actions and show your mother and your boyfriend that you can do it on your own without depending on them. There are four steps you really need to make in order to have your freedom : #1. Find a full time steady job. #2. Save up money and then get your own apartment so that you don't have to answer to anyone else but yourself. #3 Learn to drive so that you can get your own car and transportation. #4 work on your relationship with your boyfriend and winning his trust back.

I think once you get those goals met your mother will respect that you are an adult but as long as you live in her household she is able to control and run you and it's starting to affect your relationship with the boyfriend.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
hi, ok, I have a small job at a pizza restaurant in town, it won't pay much but we have income adjusted apartments in town that I'm looking at for right now, well, I was at his house yesterday and he was on the phone with one of his friends, its a girl he's known for a long time and he's friends with her husband too, but she's trying to cause trouble between the 2 of us by getting him involved with some program that pays her money if she can find men that will go to asia and bring a woman from there back to america and marry them, thats what she wanted him to do, and he told her he couldn't take somebody away from their home country and make them miserable by forcing them to choose between their boyfriends/husbands or their home, this is the only part of their conversation that bothered me and he didn't even want to talk to me about it, he told her "why don't you introduce me to a asian girl thats already living here if you want me to meet somebody?" I want to talk to him about it but I'm just afraid of what he's going to say, he told me "you let your own feelings get hurt, I don't have any other girlfriends." I don't understand what he wants, one minute he's talking about finding another girlfriend and saying we're just good friends and the next he's saying how he wants to date me and all, he's hurting my feelings but when I try to bring it up he ignores me and acts like he doesn't want to talk to me about it, I don't know what to do about him anymore, I would appreciate your help, thanks again.