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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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i am a widow of four years , very soon after my ...

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i am a widow of four years , very soon after my husband died , i started dating a widower.who i love very much. he is very much like my husband in many ways, he will go out of his way to do any thing for the people he cares about.resently a friend of the family died and left a wife behind and a 18 yr old daughter. the wife calls and asks my boyfriend for lots of favors . this last week he drove all the way to monterey 7 hours away from home to do some minor handyman things in her house she needs to put on the market. and plans on going back soon to clean out the garage. i dont ask my boyfriend for much at all , even tho i have a home falling apart and four children and a full time job. i am feeling a little bothered and jelous . i dont know if i should tell him or not. i continue to hold it in and im not liking the way im feeling. i remember being a new widow . i was so vulnerable and lonely and just longed for a man to be my rock , chris is a hot greek strong man . im scared .
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



You shouldn't keep that kind of stuff in its not healthy if you don't feel comfortable with him doing things for that woman and being 7 hours away, be honest with him and let him know how you truly feel. Although trust is a big thing in a relationship tell him it's not that you don't trust him but you know how being a newly widowed female is and then precede to tell him that when you first lost your husband you were lonely and vulnerable and you just don't think you can handle him helping her so much especially it being so far away, anything could happen. If he truly cares about you he will understand that you aren't being paranoid and that you just care about him and don't want to lose him to anyone or any reason.

There is nothing wrong with being completely honest about your feelings rather than keeping them in and cause yourself stress and anguish. If you shut your feelings down about something this minor could you imagine how it would be if you kept your feelings in for something more major it's just not healthy. Stresses can cause many health problems and this is why you should tell him exactly how you are feeling and don't hold back your words if you are scared tell him you are scared if you are feeling jealous tell him your feeling a little jealous, this will show him that you at least care about him enough not to lose him and maybe if he knows how you feel and you explain to him how you were when you first lost your husband maybe he could see signs if the woman does make moves on him.

Tell him face to face before he leaves to go to Monterey so that he will have that in his mind when he goes to help this woman with her house also tell him could he possibly work on fixing you home when he is finished with the friend's house. Make sure you are confrontational when you go to him and talk to him you don't want to have an argument before he leaves that wouldn't be good at all. If you need more help let me know or if you have something else to add or ask.

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Customer: replied 9 years ago.
thank you kimberly, I was hoping you would say just that. i am just afraid of being hurt again. and i hate to cause waves when every thing has been so good between us for the last 7 months. he has some issues committing fully because i have four children and he has raised 3 step children who are a handful and has twins at home that are 18.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

I understand your fear about causing waves but you holding it will eat at you until you can no longer hold it in and then it may not come out the way you want it to and then you will only sound like a uptight jealous girlfriend. 7 Months is a short time to make long term plans but give him some time he will come around and if he doesn't then you will handle it then just give it at least a year before you start asking about where the relationship is going, right now he is just learning about you and your children and it is a process that you all have to go through. It will take alot of patience on your part he has already gone through trouble children and he may be a little gun shy about possibly going through that again, just give him time.

You will see that being honest with him will make you feel much better and allow you to have a better understanding of where his head is at as far as helping this woman, alot of women when they feel the way you do don't say anything about the way they are feeling until it's too late and they have lost their boyfriend to someone else, don't wait for that to happen because you don't know what that woman's intentions as far as your boyfriend is concerned. I hope I have helped you in some way and if you need more help don't hesitate to click reply.