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why is she withholding her wisdom

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my boyfriend's mother will not...
my boyfriend's mother will not tell me about the importance of cooking. she was beat up for 35 years, and does not know how to read.I aske her but keeps silent.her son says she has wisdom.then she needs to tell me some.people that suffer usually have some wisdom.I can read, but she cannot.
Submitted: 9 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
6/6/2008
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
KimberlyF
KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience: Relationship expert for almost three years with JustAnswer.com
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HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-How long have you known your boyfriend and his mother?

-Was his mother not allowed to talk when she was getting abused?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago
i am 37, she is 78. i known her since 1991. she was beaten if the supper was not made right, by her husband. he died in 1988.i known them since 1991.she expects me to cook without using a cookbook. but remember, she cannot read. she is old fashioned.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
Customer

She probably won't tell you how to cook it because she doesn't know herself she goes by old school methods which means a pinch here or a pinch there.Since she won't tell you how to cook have you ever thought about standing there while she cooks and see how many pinches she used? If she can't read that is why she probably can not tell you a recipe it's a thing she does by memory not by words. You really can't make her tell you her wisdom and maybe since she put up with a man abusing her for 35 years many she doesn't think she is the right person you give you wisdom.

Since she was abused for so long a person gets conditioned into keeping quiet so that they don't get hit for talking back or disobeying their mate. She is pretty much set in her ways and maybe with time she will warm up to you. It seems like even in death for so long her husband or mate has control over her yet. Alot of older people stay faithful to their mate even when one of them die that is why they find it so hard to find someone else to share their life with. Try to talk to her more and maybe she can come around but it's hard to get older people to open up when they are set in their ways. Maybe your boyfriend has another older family member you can ask for wisdom?

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago
But her son claims, she has wisdom.he knows her longer than me.plus he has more education than her.
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
i watched her cook.she tells what to add for the spices.but she needs to tell me, what she learn during her suffering.so i can understand her better.
Counselor: KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert replied 9 years ago
Customer

Many people that don't have the education that others have so they use other tools in which to learn things like observation of others and how they interact socially and that is pretty much what wisdom is anyway. I have referred you to MsChase if you would like her opinion she is a great expert also and may have another answer for you. Do not click the Accept button or you may be paying twice wait to hear from MsChase. Goodl luck to you.

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Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 9 years ago
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
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Satisfied Customers: 2,897
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I agree with what Kim said, by all means if you accept, you should accept her answer. You have first the issue of a woman who was brought up in a time when women were to be seen and not heard, and when a woman was considered the property of her husband.

It may be hard for her to talk about the things that happened to her. SOmetimes the best way to get someone to talk, is to talk about yourself, and tell her the things that you have been through. The longer you know her and the closer you get to her, the easier it will be for her to open up to you....it just takes time.

Chase

Ms Chase
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