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Lindie, Parent
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5490
Experience:  Parent/Step Mother: With 20+ years experience.
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Am I being selfish by not paying rent

Resolved Question:

I have been engaged since Dec 2006 to Steve. I moved into the home that he owns and is still paying on. He is in debt with student loans and pays homeowner dues monthly, along with other common bills. I have my own bills which consist of past medical bills when I got sick, student loans and credit card debt, I have never asked him to help me pay those bills or ever asked him for cash. Just recently I had a conversation with my mother who thinks I should hold off on the wedding because he has debt and bad credit, my friends also agree on this. Everytime I talk to Steve about finances and have mentioned to him what my friends and mother think (bad idea to tell him?) he says, "You live here rent-free and have helped me very little with finances." I make substanially less money than he does and I feel that it's not right to "pay-rent" to my future husband. I take care of my own bills, I thought that was enough. What do you think is fair? I pay for groceries every single week and cook also.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lindie replied 9 years ago.


When it comes to who pays what, it really depends upon you both and what you both feel is good between you both. If you have been there for rent free, obviously he knows you make less etc. if he has a problem with that, then he would have said something from the start.

At this point, you're not married, so yes you are living there. If you both break up, you're not going to get anything out of the house as if you were married. So if he is fine with you staying there and not paying rent so to speak, then it's fine.

There are couples that the man pays for more, because he makes more. And the lady buys the foods, cooks, cleans along with buying laundry soap, bath soap etc. And then there are couples that pay everything 50/50.

So it's not really what someone else thinks is fair, it's what you and your boyfriend feel is fair. If you both have been living together all this time, the debt is still going to be there if you are married or not. If you both are serious, maybe you both can sit down and try and work together.. get the smallest bill and you both pay a little extra each month until it's paid off and work your way down until you get the bills caught up.

So although the advice you got from Mom and friends is good.. it's your life and you need to talk with your boyfriend and agree on this together. As you will be living in your situation every day, not them.

Hope this helps, and gives you some things to think about. If you need anything else please feel free to ask. If you found this helpful don't forget to click the *ACCEPT* button and please take a moment to leave me *POSITIVE* feedback.



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