The fact that he is a counselor doesn't necessarily mean that he can clearly see what he's doing. It could be that he doesn't necessarily know that he's doing it, or that he knows and is doing it for some type of control. The second scenario is far scarier. What most people don't know is that counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, sometimes see their own therapists, because many times they cannot 'practice what they preach'.
Try talking to him and telling your story from the point of view of a friend and ask his opinion. For example, "a friend of mines husband/wife is very moody, seems angry all the time, gives him/her the silent treatment" and see what he says. You are right, it's not fair, it's not right, it's not healthy, and the only way to make a change is to communicate with him. Whether you communicate with him directly or indirectly (letter, email), you have to talk to him and let him know how you feel. He also has to know that there will be repercussions to his behavior, if not, then he has no compelling reason to stop.
In a way, this is behavior that you are 'allowing' and in some sense, encouraging. Have you ever heard the saying "you teach people how to treat you"? It's very true, even when it's only by being permissive. When we allow a certain type of behavior, it sends a message that we are ok with it. It seems that you are afraid to speak up, not just with him, but with other people as well. You don't want to be a bother to him, your family, his family....you have to realize that they don't have to live with him, you do. It's not their happiness that is at stake, but yours. Have you considered therapy yourself to see why you could be marginalizing yourself? Do you feel like you are always putting others first? Therapy could provide coping skills as well as self esteem tool that could help you stand up and be stronger.
The botXXXXX XXXXXne is, the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, if he's been like this, then it's most likely he will remain like this unless he has a reason to change. By talking to him, you can be sure that he is clear that you don't like his behavior, that it upsets you and that you don't want to feel this way anymore. Its possible he may get mad, and/or ignore it, but then again, he may listen and agree to work on it, but there's only one way to know. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more