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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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loss of communication

Customer Question

ive been with my fiance for past 3 years have been experiencing lack of communication she doesn't talk to me a much i suspect she is cheating what can i do to try to salvage this relationship
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-Do you live together?

-What makes you think she is cheating. what proof if any?

-Do you get along for the most part except for the communication?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
well im 26 years old she is 31 we were planning on living together but she let her brother move in we do get along we worked in a school district police dept her as dispatcher and me as a police officer she quit to work for the local water company as a dispatcher because she has suffered sexual harrassment in the district she confined in me when everyone called her a liar we been together for 3 years engaged for 2 but she feels that i should be supporting her i pay everything rent, food, her car i told her she would have to work too if we were going to have a life together but she wants to be a house wife so when i don't help her financially she would tell me " Loser you don't serve a purpose" and i will leave you for someone at the water dept. but i was told from one of my friend's husband's that she is not doing so well have a bad additude and she is not well liked only been there for two weeks but i care but she shuts me out bout the cheating i don't have proof yet but what can i do to know if she is or not or just try to help her in anyway possible
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



If friends are telling you she isn't doing this then maybe you should believe that they are telling you the truth, it seems like she is trying to play mind games with you to make you believe that she is cheating so to get you to do more for her. You are right with the recession it is better that there is two incomes in the household. The only way it seems you can help her is if you pay EVERYTHING and that isn't fair to you and it will only become a habit. You need to ask yourself is all of this worth and if you can honestly answer no then maybe you should think about letting her go and mature. There hardest thing to do is to let someone you love go but it doesn't seem like she is ready for marriage. Tell her that her calling you a Loser bothers you and that you do alot for her and don't deserve that treatment.

If you don't have concrete proof that she is cheating or going to cheat then there isn't anything you can do about that but trust her, she is 31 years old and needs to be more responsible for paying her own bills and buying her own food. If her brother is there why aren't they sharing the bills or do you pay for him also? There are alot of things the two of you need to help on before you even consider marry her. Ask yourself if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? If she is mentioning cheating then maybe she has thought about it before or is thinking about it and hasn't done it yet or hasn't found the person to do it with, but I believe it is just talk to get a reaction of you and to make you do what she wants to do. Relationship and marriage is 50/50 not 90/10 and if you are not getting that from here then you need to think about what she actually give to the relationship?

Unless you want to pay her and her brothers bills constantly then you need to put your foot down and make her be a responsible ADULT and that is the key word she acts as though she is a child wanting everything in the toy store, make her and her brother be more responsible or they will break you. It sounds as though you are communicating but she isn't willing to it's like it's her way or the highway and that just isn't the way life works, especially with the recession.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
well she doesn't really contribute you are right but i have told i would leave but she laugh's and tells me that " no one wants you youre lucky i want you" but ive always felt she is using me and wnen i do tell her she gets upset and say im not a man when she knows imright she does that would couseling help in any way im willing to leave but i have a law suit with my employer pending for $370,000 and she wants a cut but i refuse to give her any is there a trap i can set to actually show her she doesn't care and i can finally leave her knowing she is using me for money
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

It isn't a very healthy relationship for you if she puts you down constantly and says no one else would want you that is an oh so common plea that people say to break another person down so that after a while they will actually believe that they are worth anything and no one would want them, don't allow her to make you feel this way. I would walk away before you get the suit and show her how good she really had it, you can find someone that truly cares about you and your feelings and it's obvious she is self centered and selfish only caring about herself, you don't need a person like that, especially one that puts you down and berates you because she doesn't get what she wants from you. Could you imagine if you married her? That would be a lifetime hell that you would not deserve.

If you have to trap someone in the relationship then the relationship is not worth having anyway and from what you have said she definitely is not worth your time or your money. Ask yourself, what does she give me or what does she bring to the table in this relationship? That is answer is easy NOTHING. You deserve better than this get out while you can and let someone else put up with her antics not you. You love her far more than she loves you and you can give that love to a person that actually deserves it and gives that love back to you.

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