Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:
-How long have you been married?
-Do you love your husband?
-Do you fight in front of the children?
-Do the children see you when you fight physically?-Could you explain your situation a little more?Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.
The only choices you may have to save your marriage is to get family counseling because your fighting is not only hurting you but your children and you don't want them to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is okay in a relationship and if you want them to be able to grow up and have healthy relationships and to be able to tell the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship. Family counseling should come after the two of you alone have couples counseling so that you can find other ways to talk things out beside arguing and fighting. You need to ask him to think about counseling and if he refuses it may take you taking drastic measures for him to see that he can not keep treating you this way especially in front of the children, he has to know that you are fed up with the marriage being unhealthy and explain to him that when you do get along and talk things out is the way you want your marriage to always be and you want him to respect your feelings. The counseling could also help him to understand where the anger is coming from and the counselor could tell him if he needs medication for his rage and the source of the rage but you both have to be open to the counseling and then including your children in a family counseling when you feel the two of you have worked on your issues aside from the children's issues.
Pulling hair and pushing and choking is just as bad as punching it may not hurt as much physically but mentally it is just as harming. The final decision is yours to make but if he refuses counseling you have to really sit down and think if you want your children to continue to see the fighting and hearing him harm you physically. If worse comes to worse and things don't change and he doesn't want the counseling then maybe consider a trial separation maybe if he sees that you are serious about not taking it anymore maybe he will want to change to be the man you fell in love with. If he gets mad about a picture that is sentimental to you then it must not take much at all to bring him to that raging point. You have to take action now if little things are setting him off , you don't want him to start harming your children not saying he will but it's a possibility that in a rage and the children try to defend you he may hurt them in the process and you don't want that to happen.Let me know if you still need my help or have anything to add.
Yes in order for you both to work on your anger towards each other and the physical abuse you should go to couples counseling and then family counseling for the children this way if the couples counseling helps you as a couple and then when you go with your children they can see that Mommy and Daddy are getting along better and this could help them to make that transition into trusting that the fighting will get less or even stop and you will find other ways of dealing with disagreements you may have. You;re quite welcome and if you need more help don't hesitate to ask for me by name.