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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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My husband has a very bad temper.

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My husband has a very bad temper. He always "blows up" and we get into a physical fight when we disagree. The other day he saw a baby picture of my brother in I in our photo album. He told me to take it out and stash it somewhere if I wanted to keep it. He hates my brother and I don''t like my brother very much either, but the picture is sentimental to me. I wanted to keep it in there and I said it wouldn''t bother him, he could turn it around or put it in the back...Before I could suggest this he yelled at me that I was taking my family''s side over his. He thinks I should just say ok, even though I object. This is the most recent thing, but it happens over and over again about little things, then we make up after the fight. I''m not sure if I want to make up because I''m tired of this cycle. Plus we have children who have to witness this.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-How long have you been married?

-Do you love your husband?

-Do you fight in front of the children?

-Do the children see you when you fight physically?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: I love him very much he's my best friend when we're not fighting, we've been married going on 6 years. I'm 26, he's 29. The children see us fight and when it gets physical(they're 3 & 5). I tell them to go to their room so they don't see what's going on but I know they can hear it.
I want him to change, he used to be more physically abousive in the past but he's gotten better. now it's not a punch but hair pulling, pushing, choking. This doesn't happen all the time, but when it does it's always bad. When he calms down he'll say he loves me, didn't want to hurt me and wants to boost up that he never cheating or that he didn't punch me in the face.
I want him to talk things out before he starts yelling and pushing, but I don't know if it's a mental health thing because he has rages. I do love him & would love to stay married forever but it's hard because I don't want to live where I can speak my mind and express my feelings because I'm scared of his reaction.
Customerthank you for replying and answering my questions:

The only choices you may have to save your marriage is to get family counseling because your fighting is not only hurting you but your children and you don't want them to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is okay in a relationship and if you want them to be able to grow up and have healthy relationships and to be able to tell the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship. Family counseling should come after the two of you alone have couples counseling so that you can find other ways to talk things out beside arguing and fighting. You need to ask him to think about counseling and if he refuses it may take you taking drastic measures for him to see that he can not keep treating you this way especially in front of the children, he has to know that you are fed up with the marriage being unhealthy and explain to him that when you do get along and talk things out is the way you want your marriage to always be and you want him to respect your feelings. The counseling could also help him to understand where the anger is coming from and the counselor could tell him if he needs medication for his rage and the source of the rage but you both have to be open to the counseling and then including your children in a family counseling when you feel the two of you have worked on your issues aside from the children's issues.

Pulling hair and pushing and choking is just as bad as punching it may not hurt as much physically but mentally it is just as harming. The final decision is yours to make but if he refuses counseling you have to really sit down and think if you want your children to continue to see the fighting and hearing him harm you physically. If worse comes to worse and things don't change and he doesn't want the counseling then maybe consider a trial separation maybe if he sees that you are serious about not taking it anymore maybe he will want to change to be the man you fell in love with. If he gets mad about a picture that is sentimental to you then it must not take much at all to bring him to that raging point. You have to take action now if little things are setting him off , you don't want him to start harming your children not saying he will but it's a possibility that in a rage and the children try to defend you he may hurt them in the process and you don't want that to happen.Let me know if you still need my help or have anything to add.

KimberlyF and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
So he and I should go to counseling alone first, them the both of us, and the children later too? Thank you very much, that is the best thing to do.


Yes in order for you both to work on your anger towards each other and the physical abuse you should go to couples counseling and then family counseling for the children this way if the couples counseling helps you as a couple and then when you go with your children they can see that Mommy and Daddy are getting along better and this could help them to make that transition into trusting that the fighting will get less or even stop and you will find other ways of dealing with disagreements you may have. You;re quite welcome and if you need more help don't hesitate to ask for me by name.