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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I am scared to have sex with a man that I have fallen in ...

Customer Question

I am scared to have sex with a man that I have fallen in love with because I just recently found out that I have herpes type 2! He is noth the type of person that I can tell and if I do I think that he will leave me or kill me!
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Gina,

How long have you been with him?

What are your ages?

What is your question?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I have been with him 4 two months and we have been having unprotected sex up until I found out a week ago! We havent been having sex and he is wandering why! I told him that I was on my menstral. I cant keep lieing to him but Im scared of what could happen if I tell him! Can u give me some advice? I am 27 and he is 33.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.


How did you wind up finding out?

Do you think he gave it to you? why or why not?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Long story! I broke up with my ex because he kept cheating on me! A friend just came to me and told me that she heard one of the girls my ex cheated with has genital herpes. That was the reason that I went to the doctors! I never really knew what herpes was and while I was still with my ex I noticed a sore on his penis two times and when I asked him about it he said it was from oral sex or because I was dry! After I found out that I had herpes I almost knew I got it from him! I contacted him to see if he would go to the doctors with me but, he refused and told me he went by hiself and he doesnt have anthing! When I went to get checked 4 stds and hiv I didnt know that Herpes and Hpv is something that u have to ask specially for to get tested!!!!!
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hi Gina,

Thank you for that additional info. It's hard to say what the best thing to do at this point is. You've slept with him, so there is a good chance you could have already given it to him, if you're positive he didn't give it to you. The fact is, there's no proven way to say who gave it to who first, or positively where you got it from. Right now its a time bomb, you either deal with it now by just being honest about your test results, if he truly loves you, he may be angry at first but he'll try and work it out. There's no way anyone can tell you better than you, how exactly he will react. If you don't tell him, eventually he will wind up getting symptoms and you'll be back at square one. The fact is, whether you stay with him or whether you meet someone else, you're going to have to start letting people know that you have it, since that is the responsible thing to do, or you cannot have unprotected sex. The problem is, you've already been having unprotected sex with this guy, so he's going to think its weird if you start demanding condoms. You could always say that you don't want to get pregnant. Either way, you've got to tell him, or protect him. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I dont have children and I wnt to! What should I do?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

What should you do about what? I'm sorry, I wasn't sure what you were asking?

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
without spreading the virus
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Gina, of course you can have a baby. Please read this, it explains your options. It's not the end of the world, but it is hard. The main thing is you don't want to give it to every partner you have and there are ways you can prevent passing it on, by using protection. Please keep in mind that you don't have to have lesions to give herpes to someone, you are continually shedding the virus, even when you have no symptoms or lesions. Check out these links, here, here and here for more info. Read and read as much as you can to learn as much about it as you can. The more familiar you are with it, the better you will feel. Let me know if you want to talk more.


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