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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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i am in a 8 month relationship with a man that i had known

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i am in a 8 month relationship with a man that i had known 20 years ago. we were in love, planned future etc but he decided to stay with a pregnant girlfriend who had known about me at the time, he had hoped to leave her! he regrets old decisions now, wants me in his life and is prepared to move to my city and country. He introduced me to his children, mother etc. We are in daily contact. I know that he had active sexual life since separation and found out he was still in touch with one women, over telephone as she lives in a different country. She is married and they had an affair. He claims that he did not know how to stop it and that it did not matter to him, it was only ocassional chat etc. He is sorry for hurting me, loves me and wants only me. I believe that he loves me but wonder if i can trust him, if he is the womaniser? The old wound is reopened. I want him as much as he says that he wants me, my trust is shattered. How to move on? Thank you.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. By the way, it would help me to know:

-What are your ages?

-Where do you live and where does he live?

-Did he sleep with the other woman while he was with you?

-Did you trust him before you found out he still communicates with this woman?

Thank you again for trusting me with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that I can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Hi, thanks for speedy reply.
here are the answers-

I am 46 and he is 49.

i live in london, uk and he in switzerland.

he never met her since being with me, we are daily on tel for hours and he comes every other weekend and we spend xmas and new year together as well as school holiday with my son.

i trusted him completely.

Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

If he tells you he loves you and only you then you have to take his word for it and make sure you can trust him completely before you both make any long term plans together because if you do not trust him when you are together then things will not get any better. It doesn't sound like he is a womanizer it just sounds like he has made some not so good choices. Maybe you should tell him your concerns and that you want to trust him but old wounds are opening up again. You have to try to get over the past though it hurt you, you couldn't possibly have a healthy relationship if you bring up old things. What are the chances of getting another chance after 20 years?

Give the relationship time you have only been back together for 8 months. Tell him that you don't feel comfortable with him talking to an ex fling and maybe he will consider your feelings and possibly have less communication with her but you don't want to sound like you are trying to be too controlling. You should make sure that you can get the trust back because if you don't then your relationship will be doomed. A relationship without trust isn't a very healthy relationship. I think the distance is what has you scared and not able to trust him because you can not see him on a regular basis. Try this when you find yourself thinking about him talking to other women try to replace that with the words he says about loving you and only you and wanting a future with you because until you have proof that he can not be trusted all you will be doing is assuming that he is cheating or can't be trusted and it will eat away at you. If you need more of my help don't hesitate to click reply it is free.

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