Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

Just curious - is there a difference between male ...

Customer Question
Just curious - is there...
Just curious - is there a difference between male borderline personality disorders and female BPD? Also - are most BPD's "in the system" or are they able to work, have family relationships and an outwardly successful life?
Submitted: 9 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 32 minutes by:
5/11/2008
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 9 years ago
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Verified

Hello Ishubona,

The difference is it occurs in females more often than males, but the symptoms are similar or the same. Relationships, friendships are normally story and unstable, their self esteem issues can prevent them from becoming successful at achieving the life goals.

Here are some links, let me know if you want to talk more

Chase

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/bpd.html

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Verified
Ms Chase and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
Reply to Ms Chase's Post:

Chase,

 

You may have noticed that I am a mental health professional in private practice. My question stems from some references from some of my colleagues to a patient we currently share.

The lady in question is finished with her education, very successful in her career, has a ten year marriage in tact and is in her 40's. Some of her lability it related to substance abuse issues on behalf of her husband. While in therapy, outbursts certainly have not been encouraged, I understand why she reacts in the manner she does - it seems provoked. One of my colleagues, however, who is working with the husband believes that her husband wouldn't drink as much if she weren't such a pill to live with.

 

She is very responsible with her son, she pays her bills on time, she often reaches out to others and her self-esteem is low because she is in conflict about what to do with her marriage.

 

But, I am not sure all of this is a BPD patient. In fact, given her husband's lack of consistency with his recovery and his verbally abusive attacks, I have wondered if he is actually a borderline, especially given the little bit I know about his family background.

 

I would appreciate your take on this - thanks! Laura

Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 9 years ago

Hello Laura,

Does the wife have substance abuse issues as well?

She's having outbursts? In session or towards her husband?

Chase

 

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago

Outbursts happen when he is drinking, especially when he is around their child. Not in session - she is very compliant with appointments, and she is modulated when we talk.

I questioned how well she would accept me when I confronted her, but she has been my patient for two years. Perhaps I am too close, but I think it would have deteriorated by now if she had BPD issues.

 

 

Customer reply replied 9 years ago
PS - No substances on her behalf, outside of Welbutrin XL, which she finally agreed to take,.
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 9 years ago

Hi Laura,

Given the info you've provided, I would look more towards the husband potentially having the bpd. The way you've described the mother is not consistent with someone with bpd. I like the description this website gives. Bpd's

 

  • Have trouble observing others' personal limits

  • Have trouble defining their own personal limits

  • Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting, or disordered eating

  • Mutilate themselves-for example, purposely cutting or burning their skin

  • Threaten to kill themselves-or make actual suicide attempts

  • Rush into relationships based on idealized fantasies of what they would like the other person or the relationship to be

  • Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right

  • Have frightening, unpredictable rages that make no logical sense-or have trouble expressing anger at all

  • Physically abuse others, such as slapping, kicking, and scratching them

  • Needlessly create crises or live a chaotic lifestyle

  • Act inconsistently or unpredictably

  • Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves
    (Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.)

  • Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown

  • Act competent and controlled in some situations but extremely out of control in others

  • Verbally abuse others, criticizing and blaming them to the point where it feels brutal

  • Act verbally abusive toward people they know very well, while putting on a charming front for others. Can switch from one mode to the other in seconds

  • Act in what seems like extreme or controlling ways to get their own needs met

  • Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel ignored

  • Accuse others of doing things they did not do, having feelings they do not feel, or believing things they do not believe

It sounds like it would be difficult to apply these to your client. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more

Warmly

Chase

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Verified
Ms Chase and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
Reply to Ms Chase's Post:

Thank you! I appreciate the affirmation here - at times, my clinical judgment can be blurred by pts who have my sympathy.

 

Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 9 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask Ms Chase Your Own Question
Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
2,897 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Ms Chase is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

2,897 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. So I was a bit s… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok,
not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok, My boyfriend and I and my two teenage daughters live together. I gave him the consent to record my daughter because we were trying to catch h… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really
Hello , i have a problem i need an advice I met a man after really hard time of separation with my husband . This man is separated too but he still in contact with his wife because of the kids ..any h… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I would like to know something. My wife of 35 yrs received a
my wife of 35 yrs received a very intimate necklace fro m anoth er women and she told her she was drawing inspiration from her just by wearing it what does that mean … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Mine is a pretty tricky but story. So I met this guy on
Hi Debra, Mine is a pretty tricky but long story. So I met this guy on Tinder, he was lovely. Our first date was amazing... we spoke for three weeks 24/7 before actually meeting up. There was an insta… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood
I have trouble getting along with my husband. We has mood swings. He is about to start a new job at a branch of Verizon (used to work at another branch) so we were talking in the car and he said he ha… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex,
My boyfriend and I fought over him maybe talking to his ex, I kept texting him till he said leave me alone and then broke up with me.. can I get him back … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love
me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months and I love him dearly, well on Tuesday something happened when I was texting one of my guy friends I didn't physically cheat on him, and there was no … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6
Jen, I have a new man in my life I have been dating for about 6 weeks. We see each other twice a week. He deeply cares for me and loves me. I also have love for him. I struggle with his immaturity. So… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
While telling me he is in love with someone else, he says he
While telling me he is in love with someone else, he says he cares about me. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and
I have seen ads for professional snugglers, cuddlers, and cuddle clubs. Is this a bad idea to be touching someone who you don't know and have no specific reason to care about? My wife and I experience… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
56 satisfied customers
I found out my time boyfriend had a nine month affair with
I found out my long time boyfriend had a nine month affair with younger girl at work..fell in love with her and wanted to start a life..I contacted new girlfriend (who did not know about me..she fille… read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
I have a question that pertains to compromising in a
Hi,I have a question that pertains to compromising in a marriage. I'll start by saying when I meant my wife I was open to moving out of state. We got married and last year my company relocated to NC f… read more
P. Simmons
P. Simmons
Attorney
Doctoral Degree
35,290 satisfied customers
I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's
Hello, I married into a bunch of nieces and nephews on my husband's side. Some of the nieces are my age or older, so it is not as if we have had a history together. They were already adults when we me… read more
Schuyler
Schuyler
1,944 satisfied customers
I have a question that pertains to compromising in a
Hi, I have a question that pertains to compromising in a marriage. I'll start by saying when I meant my wife I was open to moving out of state. We got married and last year my company relocated to NC … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I'm going to try and make this as short as i can. So about 3
OK so i'm going to try and make this as short as i can. So about 3 and a half months ago me and my girlfriend of a year broke up. The reason being was i cheated on her, i didn't meet up with anyone, k… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have no mother in law experience for various reasons and
I have no mother in law experience for various reasons and am in my mid 50s. Do I need help?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I need to apologize to the love of my life. Im a gay man I
Im a gay man I hurt my boyfriends feeling repeatedly … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x