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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Just curious - is there a difference between male ...

Customer Question

Just curious - is there a difference between male borderline personality disorders and female BPD? Also - are most BPD's "in the system" or are they able to work, have family relationships and an outwardly successful life?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Ishubona,

The difference is it occurs in females more often than males, but the symptoms are similar or the same. Relationships, friendships are normally story and unstable, their self esteem issues can prevent them from becoming successful at achieving the life goals.

Here are some links, let me know if you want to talk more


Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post:



You may have noticed that I am a mental health professional in private practice. My question stems from some references from some of my colleagues to a patient we currently share.

The lady in question is finished with her education, very successful in her career, has a ten year marriage in tact and is in her 40's. Some of her lability it related to substance abuse issues on behalf of her husband. While in therapy, outbursts certainly have not been encouraged, I understand why she reacts in the manner she does - it seems provoked. One of my colleagues, however, who is working with the husband believes that her husband wouldn't drink as much if she weren't such a pill to live with.


She is very responsible with her son, she pays her bills on time, she often reaches out to others and her self-esteem is low because she is in conflict about what to do with her marriage.


But, I am not sure all of this is a BPD patient. In fact, given her husband's lack of consistency with his recovery and his verbally abusive attacks, I have wondered if he is actually a borderline, especially given the little bit I know about his family background.


I would appreciate your take on this - thanks! Laura

Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Laura,

Does the wife have substance abuse issues as well?

She's having outbursts? In session or towards her husband?



Customer: replied 9 years ago.

Outbursts happen when he is drinking, especially when he is around their child. Not in session - she is very compliant with appointments, and she is modulated when we talk.

I questioned how well she would accept me when I confronted her, but she has been my patient for two years. Perhaps I am too close, but I think it would have deteriorated by now if she had BPD issues.



Customer: replied 9 years ago.
PS - No substances on her behalf, outside of Welbutrin XL, which she finally agreed to take,.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hi Laura,

Given the info you've provided, I would look more towards the husband potentially having the bpd. The way you've described the mother is not consistent with someone with bpd. I like the description this website gives. Bpd's


  • Have trouble observing others' personal limits

  • Have trouble defining their own personal limits

  • Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting, or disordered eating

  • Mutilate themselves-for example, purposely cutting or burning their skin

  • Threaten to kill themselves-or make actual suicide attempts

  • Rush into relationships based on idealized fantasies of what they would like the other person or the relationship to be

  • Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right

  • Have frightening, unpredictable rages that make no logical sense-or have trouble expressing anger at all

  • Physically abuse others, such as slapping, kicking, and scratching them

  • Needlessly create crises or live a chaotic lifestyle

  • Act inconsistently or unpredictably

  • Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves
    (Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.)

  • Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown

  • Act competent and controlled in some situations but extremely out of control in others

  • Verbally abuse others, criticizing and blaming them to the point where it feels brutal

  • Act verbally abusive toward people they know very well, while putting on a charming front for others. Can switch from one mode to the other in seconds

  • Act in what seems like extreme or controlling ways to get their own needs met

  • Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel ignored

  • Accuse others of doing things they did not do, having feelings they do not feel, or believing things they do not believe

It sounds like it would be difficult to apply these to your client. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more



Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post:

Thank you! I appreciate the affirmation here - at times, my clinical judgment can be blurred by pts who have my sympathy.


Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

You're welcome Laura, glad I could help, and I do know the feeling. :)

Feel free to request me by name anytime you need to talk.


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