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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My boyfriend and i have dated for about 2 months. All ...

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My boyfriend and i have dated for about 2 months. All he wants me to do is give him head, he never wants to have sex, the one time we did he wants me to get on top, then we tried missionary and he got soft.

I tried talking to him about it, but he says he "doesnt know" why he doesnt want to have sex. This is definetly a mental thing, not a physical thing because he is always hard. I know this is a me specific problem because i asked him if it was just me and he mumbled yes. But i know he cares bout me, and im sure hes physically attracted to me, he always calls me beautiful and is all over me kissing me and touching me, just no sex!! . I almost broke up with him because of this, because he wouldnt tell me why, and he begged me and said he didnt want to break up. I dont know what to do. please help.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Laquita,

Where did you meet?

What are your ages?

Why do you think its you specific just because he said it was?

Has he ever gone to therapy? Is he willing to go to therapy?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
we met last summer through a friend, but just started dating now. both 24. i dont know why, i guess just bc he said. no no therapy.
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Laquita,

Thank you for that additional info. Without talking to him, it would be impossible for me to say why he feels this way. It could be so many different reasons, a short list would be

  • he was abused, sexually or otherwise
  • he has been cheated on or hurt by a woman or women
  • he's bisexual or homosexual

there could be other reasons but as I said without knowing much more about him and his past I can't be sure

The fact is, whatever the reason, you have to decide if you can live like this. Ask yourself, what if six months from now, things haven't changed, will you stay with him? What if things don't change in a year, will you stay with him? Do you have enough feelings for him to stick with him through whatever it is he's struggling with?

Two months is not enough time to know someone that well, as you can see, he's not even sure why he's like this (so he says) so how can you be expected to understand. If he's willing to go into therapy or counseling immediately to try and figure this out, I would consider staying with him, but if not, I don't think things will change, and if they do, there's no guarantee it will last.It really depends on him and how willing he is to change what's going on with him.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
We broke up because of this. I know hes had sex with other people. He says he doesnt know why he doesnt want to have sex but i know he must know. its driving me crazy even though we broke up.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Laquita

The fact is, it was his problem. He's the one who had the issue, not you. You have the choice to hold onto this issue or to let it go. Think about the fact that you will meet many people in your lifetime, some or all of them might have their own particular issues, whether from childhood, past relationships or their own personality, and we have to learn the difference between what we cause and what is just a personal problem with them. When it's a personal problem, as in this case with your ex friend, you can't take it on yourself, as that will only turn and cause problems in your future relationships. Just remember, he had this problem, not you. He had it before he met you and he will continue to have it now that you are apart. Don't carry it with you. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more at anytime.


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