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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Hi. I have been good friends with this guy for a very ...

Customer Question

Hi. I have been good friends with this guy for a very long time... I have never considered him as more than just friends. Recently i started noticing that he makes all these comments in front of people that he likes me and wants to be with me. He is very firm and confident in everything he does.... At first i was telling him that he needs to stop joking with me like that and he said several times that he was not joking. I confronted him 1 time and told him that he cant like me and he said he does and then i said you dont and he said fine i dont.. ... afterwords he began showing his feeling towards me even more so i confronted him again. he said we are just friends but he thinks of me very highly and i am potential for him.....What does this mean? I think i really like him now but i am scared that i ruined it for myself. i never thought i would like him and now that i do i feel like he backed off. now one day he is rude and ignores me and another day he is super is not clear
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Kior

What are your ages?

Where do you know him from?

Do you call and talk to him?

Are you saying you like him?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We are both 23 years old. He is one of my CLOSEST friends, we go to the same church, sing in the worship team together and also travel with our chamber choir. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that i was discusted that he might be interested in me so i confronted him a couple of times to let him know that friends cannot become more than that and then i started to notice him and i think i am really falling for him but i am not sure if this was all a joke from his side or is he really interested. Before he would tell everyone that i am his and that we will get married, would not allow any guy to hug me... Even asked me questions like what do you want in your future mate, what are some qualities if i married you would be hard to deal with, what kind of ring i want, where i want to live....... So when i finally got sick of it i told him you cant like me and he said "but i do", I said "no you dont you cant, "but i do"....... and then before he left my car he said fine i was just kidding. As time went on his attentions was even more obvious so i confronted him again and he said we are just friends and acted like he didnt remember any of these things however said that i am definitely a potential wife for him.... After our long conversation he is very careful around me not to hug me.... but sometimes he will say things like, i have been thinking about you... what if it couold have worked out... and then the next day he will be very rude and careless so i cant understand what he feels if anything and what to do about it. he has never had a girlfriend even though a lot were interested in him. He wants to date one girl and get married to her but i dont know if he is just doing all of this cause he feels very comfortable with me or if there's soemthing more to it. I dont want to make up things in my head and i understand that men think very differently from women. I told our other friends that when a guy is really interested in a girl he does not tell everyone the way he always does and his friends say he would cause he is sooo honest and confident, firm...I want to know what he is really thinking cause i think i am really falling for him and it scares me cause i dont want another broken heart
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.


First let me tell you, you can't ever know what another person is really thinking. You can only know what they tell you they are thinking. Whenever we fall in love, we take the chance that our hearts will get broken, thats just a fact of life.

It seems like he's given you every hint that he likes you and certainly wants to be more than just friends with you, so you have to decide if you want to move forward in this direction or if you want to keep it at just friends. His anger and rudeness could be because he feels like you rejected him and can't figure out why.

I would suggest talking to him and telling him that you were too scared to get involved because you value him so much as a friend that you didn't want to do anything to ruin that. Tell him that you would be willing to talk about it and maybe go on a date and see what happens from there. If he agrees then do just that, go on a date, spend some time together, do not rush into a relationship and certainly do not rush the intimacy. The longer you can hold off on a relationship commitment and intimacy the better chance you will have to get to know each other as potential mates rather than just friends.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more



Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I dont know if that will work for 2 reasons. First of all when i asked him he told me we are just friends so i cant come to him and say i was scared i want to try it cause he never officially asked me out. With him its always "what if we dated, what if it worked out, what if i asked you 'seriously' that i want to be with you... 2nd reason is that he absolutely hates when girls call him or make the first move. I know this cause i have talked to him so many times when a girl would show him that she likes him. he is just that kind of a guy, it has to be his decisions
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago. this point, what is your question?

Its not unusual for a guy to use 'what if', its a way for him to know if you are interested without putting himself out there.


Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Hi Ms Chase. Thank you very much for taking time to answer my questions. I really appreciate it. As i said previously i cant go to him and say i want to give it a try as you suggested since he didnt ask me out. Also i cant really approach him about trying to go on a date because in our culture it is not acceptable for a girl to ask a guy.. i made it clear that we are just friends that night and when i asked him about all that he hinted at he also said we are friends but now for me it became more than that so i was just hoping you would analize all he said from a guys point of view. Was he just not ready to tell me how he feels because i confronted him unexpectedly or he really was just playing around cause he felt comfortable since we are close??? Right now 3 weeks later once in awhile he makes little comments to kind of push me away. For example i was just talking to him and a couple of friends that i want to ride a jetski this summer and he acted as if i asked him to take me for a ride and said "sorry i am not taking you" and told this other guy to take i got mad and said i didnt ask you to....?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello kio,

It's my pleasure. I'm glad I can help. At this point, I think you may have really hurt his feelings when you 'put him in his place' so to speak. Right now, you will have to change tactics and if you can't outright ask him how he feels or ask a friend to ask him how he feels then you will have to use the oldest language in the book....body language.

When he looks at you, give him a sweet smile and then look down or look away. Compliment him on something he wears, but in a casual manner....put your hand on your chin and say, almost as if you are surprised at the thought " hmm, that shirt looks really nice on you", and then just talk about something else like you never said it. When he said, 'sorry, I'm not taking you', you should have laughed and said, 'you know you want to take me' and smiled at him. Keep a sense of humor about it, and don't get mad at him being petty. Keep a smile and be sure to look at him from across the room. See if you have something he might like, a book, magazine, or something you know he likes and give it to him. "oh, i saw this and thought you might like it' and before he can say anything after you give it to him, change the subject. All of this will throw him off guard, but at the same time, if there was interest in you 'like that' then he will come around.

I'm here if you want to talk more