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Walter, Relationship Mentor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 11528
Experience:  Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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My noyfriend broke up with me cause he says he is holding ...

Customer Question

My noyfriend broke up with me cause he says he is holding me back from enjoying my life..that i should go out with other pople and be happy but he will always be there for me.Then i find him at a strip club why?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walter replied 9 years ago.


I would be more then happy to help you today.......can you answer a few questions please.

How long were you together?

Any children together?

What is his age and your age?

Was there any other issues in the relationship prior to breaking up?

How long have you been apart?

Are you wanting to get him back or simply understand why he is doing this?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Expert:  Walter replied 9 years ago.


I am going to be honest with may be hard to accept but the comments he made are typical break up lines. Often when a guy simply wants out he tries to do so in a way that will least hurt the women as well as prevent a argument. So to do both some men will use the "Its not you its me line" or the common "I am holding you back"

The real fact is people grow apart......they fall out of love or there was never a real love there but they do not wish to hurt each other. The fact that he was at a strip club would contest to the fact that he is ready to move on, at least for now.

I know how hard these things are to accept. But fighting it never solves the problems. The old saying if he loves you he will come back is true.....sometimes men do not see what they have and think the grass is greener on the other side. The fact is some of these men wise up real quick and come running back......others move on. While you can fight it by calling, texting, emailing and "bumping" into him often these tactics do nothing more then push the man away further.

In the end you can not change his can only worry about you and how you are going to move on. If he comes back then you can decide what you really want. If not you are well on your way to getting over him. Dwelling on him will only hurt yourself more. Give yourself a few weeks to come to a understanding and that is all. We all need time to get over someone....but dedicating your life to the break up will not help either. Now is not the time to jump into another relationship as most people think. It is time for you to take a breather. Enjoy you for a little while.....go out and have fun. Make new friends or enjoy the ones you have. Sitting at home will make this worse.....getting out and enjoying your life will not only help you get over the relationship but give you time to be who you want to be.

If you see him, be nice.........let him know that you understand how he feels and that you still love him. Let him know that if he needs anything to let you know and then let it be. If and when he is ready he will come back. Being mean, seeking revenge etc will only push him further away. Sine you are hoping for a reconciliation someday now is the time to make sure the parting is on good terms.

I know this hurts......but take some time for yourself and what will be will be.