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My divorce would make no sense and I will lose financially.

I do not understand my...
I do not understand my husband at all,
and think this causes lots of stress.
He does not want even to consider marriage councelling.
Should I let him go?
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Answered in 9 hours by:
4/2/2008
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Verified

Hello ms,

How long have you been married?

Has he said why he won't consider counseling?

What kinds of problems are you having?

What are your ages?

Chase

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Customer reply replied 9 years ago
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We've been married for five years and fighting over really small things. He says things I don't like and etc. And the main reason I was hurt he was e-mailing his ex every month as we dated, and it drove me crazy and some other stuff. I am the one that gets hurt at whatever he says and recently has been really sickm physically and had panic attacks. It's all kinda embarassing. I've just have gotten divorce papers for him to sing and he says that we should wait for some time, because I am angry, and I know that I'm just tired. We are 30 and 31 and met when we were 23 and 24.
We know both that marriage councelling would not help. I guess making this marriage work would cost a lot too me.

Hello Mz,

He may be right, give it a little time. I understand your feelings as well, that you are tired and just want to be done with it. However, there has to be something about this man that meant enough for you to want to marry him, and thats where you both need to start.....where things were when you first met.

Why was he emailing his wife? If they have no children or business together, then he really should let it go, especially if it bothers you, then there should be no question of letting it go. If he is saying things that you don't like, then you have to decide if any of these things are true, and thats why you don't like them, or if these are just things he is saying to you, specifically to hurt you. You never said what he was saying, so it's hard for me to judge.

I'm also not sure why you are saying that counseling won't help. You can't know that unless you go to counseling, and counseling has saved many many marriages. What happens is you have this third party who is able to help you get to the truth. They say there are three sides to every story, his side, your side and the truth. A counselor or therapist can be that third side. A counselor or therapist can give you an arena to vent your fears and concerns in a healthy way, as well as teaching you coping and communications skills that you might not possess or learn on your own.

I welcome your thoughts. Let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly

Chase

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Ms Chase and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 9 years ago
I think marriage couselling would not help, because we both are irriated at each other though.

Hello Mz,

Thats exactly the reason why they would help. Would you need to go to a counselor if you were happy and not irritated? It depends on if you want to save your marriage....what wouldn't you do to save it? It's not easy out here for single people, and if you found someone that you were willing to make your vows to, remember, they said for better or for worse...maybe this is the worse?

Chase

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Customer reply replied 9 years ago
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: He is very critical and cruel to me, and he told me that I am acting like ten years old.
I've been to four councelors for past five years.
He is not fun to be with at all. Going to call my exboyfriend and wish him Happy Birthday.
The reason I was hurt as even before he married me he e-mailed his ex girfriends and I did not like it. And then he made a comment that his ex was taller than me, and I am not tall. I was pretty mad since then and then he said bad things about my job and etc. I know he is a jerk, my parents like him for some reason. I tried to live with them for some time, though they seemed to be upset and worried. Being single is not very good option also, since I am diagnosed with chronic inflammation in my gut and my doctor's bills are huge. If I could just get divorced and maybe be die, cause I am so unhappy right now. He is being very nice to me most of the time, though I am not taking it too.
Then every time he puts me down
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
I actually tried to have councelling.
The problem is just that my "husband" is being insensitive most of the time and makes comments that hurt me, critisizes, constantly puts me down, then appologizes,
so I am filing for divorce right now and found a lawyer.

Mz,

If he's not willing to be the man you need him to be, and to love you in the way that you need to be loved then you may be making the right decision. Life is hard enough without having the support of the person who is supposed to mean the most to you. You need a partner, not an enemy in your own home. I'm here if you want to talk more, just reply back

Chase

Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
Verified
Ms Chase and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
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Ms Chase
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
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