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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Relationship problems

Customer Question

Hi, My partner of 3+ years is going through an extremley tough time with work. I believe he is depressed but will not seek help. We are now working together which is proving disastrous, he''s words today regarding our relationship is " I need to support him and overlook his behaviour, as his previous partners have done. I do not feel able or willing to do this, but do not want to leave him in a very difficult situation workwise. What is reasonable to expect of him considering his position? Kind regards, Louise.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.
Answered via Just Answer Chat.
Ms Chase and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Louise

You have placed a deposit, but you have not piad for the answer yet. Let me ask you a couple of questions

What kind of work are the two of you doing?

What is he depressed about?

What type of behavior?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We are both working in a new business dealing primarly with commercial finance

He recently resigned from a company he worked to build over 5 years

Behaviour patterns are emotional guilt trips mainly, but endless debates as to my personalty flaws dive me to despair at times
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I have to sign off now can't wait any longer for a response. Very disappointed!!
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Real, for some reason I have not been getting your responses. I apologize for the delay, and I strive to make every customers experience here a great one. Because of the problems we've been having, I am going to see if I can get you a $2 refund, if that is ok with you (as long as you are satisfied with my answer, of course)


As for your relationship, he is asking you to overlook his nagging as his previous partners have done? That sounds very arrogant, ie; ignore me while I torture you. You said you do not feel willing or able to do this, so let me ask you, if it wasn't for the job, would you leave?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Hi, thank you for the response. I believe I would not stay in the relationship if it was not for the predicament my partner finds himself in. I feel I need to stay with him for the moment just to help him get back on his feet, but do not feel I should have to take the flack that comes along with his depression. However it seems impossible to stop the relentless debates that occur between us, so other than avoid confrontation or change the conversation to a more postive one, I dont really know what to do. Its proving extremely difficult to keep upbeat and not loose my temper with him and the negative conversations we keep having.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

No one deserves to be treated badly. ESPECIALLY when they are going out of there way to help someone. Unfortunately sometimes when people know that they need you or depend on you, it can make them even more difficult to get along with, or make them treat you even worse. Maybe that's the case here and he's angry that he has to depend on you. You've asked, what is reasonable to expect of him? It's reasonable to expect that he will treat you like a human being considering how much you've been there for him. The fact is, you've supported him and yet he still continued to treat you badly, perhaps what he needs is for you to bail on him so he can truly understand what you've done for him. If you leave, nothing will be your fault, because you tried to give him a hand and he pushed you away.The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, and you've told him how you feel, to no avail. It's not likely that he will change anything since he's already made excuses for his behavior and basically told you to deal with it. It's only left to you to decide if you will.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.