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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me on an ...

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I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me on an emotional level. See a couple of months ago I pushed someone that was a really, really good person away from me. He wanted to do a lot of things together and instead of telling him I wanted some space, I did something inexcusable. One day I told him I was cutting my hair and I asked him did he want me to cut his hair? He said yes but rather me, he cut his own hair in my room. He told me to tell our NCOs that I cut his hair and I didn't agree at first cause it was a silly haircut and he said that the NCOs didn't want him using the clippers. At this point I was angry over two things if he was going to cut his hair in my room when he could have did it in his room and he wanted me to lie over a haircut. So instead of telling him that I wasn't going to do it, I agreed to it though I was still angry at the time. Over the remaining course of the day I was bothered by this. Later on in the day I went to ask one the NCOs about it, let's say the guy name is "john", using the clippers and the NCO said he didn't care as long as he didn't break it like he did the last one. Then when the NCO asked me why I asked that question? I could have said for no reason because the people I'm around don't like one another anyway. I don't know why. But I told him that "John" wanted me to lie about cutting his hair and I knew when I told him this he was going to ask "John" did I cut his hair but I didn't care. I could have told "John" that our NCOs knew he cut his hair but I didn't. I just sat there and watched the NCOs make him look like a liar when I could have avoided it. The thing is I know if I did something so harsh to him he would cut me off and I would have my space back. I shedded a few tears for what I did later on. We don't talk anymore and I don't stay in the room when he is in there. I am so angry at everybody right now. There is much more to why I did "John" the way I did.


How long have you been in the military?

Does he know that you set him up?

Why did you feel the need to do something so final?

Can you tell me other reasons involved?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I've been in the military for 4 years now. No he doesn't know I set him up. It's hard to explain, let me try my best to explain this situation. Before I got deployed to Iraq, I was put with a bunch of guys I didn't know cause the Army needed bodies for a mission and they chose me to be one of those bodies. I didn't want to cause I had year to go before I could get out. That is something different. I was put with people I didn't know but they knew each other, so I was the odd man out. Then one guy in the group I became associates with and that is "John," he seemed like a cool guy before we got deployed. He gave me the 411 on the rest of the guys that were in that section. He said some were racists and other things as well. I believed him cause I saw how unfair they were treating him and treating me. They were treating me and him like farm hens, having us do everything and jumping on our case when we messed up. So I was like me and him against everyone else in our section at least I thought. When we got over here he started socializing with them more and that made me second guess what he was saying about them. Now here is the crazy part he was talking to one of the guys about a dream he had about him beating me up. Now he wasn't talking behind my back or anything like that but it still bothered me. Remind you it's a dream he was talking about. Then as a child growing up I never had that many friends or associates. Though as a child and to this day I have a jealousy problem. Like when I socialize with that one person and his friend(s) come around that I don't know I get quite or leave instead of getting to know them. I also have the paranoia of people and lack of trust. On top of that I don't really like socializing and I use people to get what I, then after that I become distant that person...I think I have it figured out and the next thing I don't. I also want my privacy. It's insane. I apologize if I am not making any sense. I think I have an anti-social personality disorder. I went on to do some research on this disorder and I have some characteristics.
Right now I am so upset. I don't do what needs to be done when I know it need to be done. I daydream all the time and it is like I can't stop it. I just daydream and think about my past. Mentally, i'm a mess up right now. I lie to people a lot more since I joined the Army so they would leave me alone. Get this! My room mate had a car and he wanted to go home on the weekends and couldn't afford so I funded his trips home and over the span of three months I gave him around $3,000 just to get him out of the room to have it to myself. Then he got kicked out of the service. The thing is I didn't care about the money, the only thing I wanted was to have the room to myself. I would get angry everytime I saw him comeback after the weekend was done. I get upset when people want me to do things or go places with them that they can go or do by themselves as well. I know they want company but I do it by myself all the time and they can too. Then I have this bad habit of messing with people but don't want people messing with me. When I listen to music I hate when people disturb me. When other are doing something I talk to them. I am afraid to talk to women or even look at one cause of the look they might give if they notice I was looking at them. When I do find a girl that is interested me I don't pursue her for the reason of compromising my way of life. Like I said I think I am schizo. I know this is way more then you expected. If you can't figure this out it's okay I will pay you anyway.
Lately, I've been dissecting myself and trying to figure out why I'm the way I am. The only thing I can come up with is Anti-social disorder. I makes sense. I asked a question a while back on this site and the counselor gave me some good information with some websites she recommended me. But that really didn't help cause I realized there was more to my problem two weeks ago. I need some inside opinion on this matter. I need to figure this out that's all and find a way to deal with this problem for me to be better individual.
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Someone please answer my question. I really need some inside advice or opinion in this matter.


I really apologize, I never did see your response, or I would have gotten back to you sooner.

After reading everything you've written, I think it sounds more like Dissocial personality disorder. I don't hear from you that how you're feeling or acting is causing you problems with your superiors, but mostly with your peers. The biggest difference the antisocial version has more issues with delinquency and criminal behavior, as opposed to the affective, interpersonal and behavioral components of the dissocial version. That may not even be what's wrong with you. Either way, I cannot provide you with a diagnosis, but I can tell you that you need to speak to someone about how you're feeling. It's possible that you might need medication to help balance out how you are feeling. A lot of people tend to fear or disregard therapy or medication, thinking either that it doesn't work, or that it's unnecessary in their case.

I think your 'friend' that was talking about the dream he had of beating you up was wrong. Even if it was a dream, why would you tell the other guys about it, knowing that it was already said these guys had issues with the two of you (racial or otherwise). It wouldn't seem to me that he is being a true friend by acting like that, and you had every right to be mad at him.

Does the military offer mental health services? Take advantage of those services before you leave the military. Talking some of this out with a therapist, finding out it medication will help, developing coping skills.....all of this will lift a great burden off your shoulders and allow you to look at life differently. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.



Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Yes, I have a few more things for you to look at. Yeah, that is a problem right there because I feel like a mental therapist in the military is to easy to convince that you are okay when you are not and when you are not okay they will come up with a bogus solution that will just get you out of their office so they don't have to deal with you. I mean you see how war veterans aren't getting the proper mental evaluation when they get back, so how do you think they are going to treat me. That is why I don't bother with them. I told one of the guys that I think that everybody is looking at me every time they walk out of the door in our living quarters when I sit in the common area. I don't be looking at them at all but it feels like it. Then when all those guys are in one room together talking to each other I can't help to be nosy. I go stand outside of their door and listen to them to see if they are talking about me. I never have once heard them say my name or anything about me but it feels like it. Do you actually think a mental therapist will help deal with these problems cause I ain't trying to waist my time with someone who doesn't care about my problems. One more thing as a child I used rock a whole lot which help me daydream. I've stopped now but it has translated into me walking a lot more which helps me daydream. It seems like I have to active only for me to daydream and that I don't get. Can you tell me what that is all about?

HelloCustomer let me ask you a couple of questions

Do you remember experiencing any type of trauma as a child?

Have you ever been to therapy?

Have you ever felt suicidal?

Are you always suspicious like that?

Do you feel like these behaviors have gotten worse over time or were they worse at any point?

Do you talk to your parents, or any other family members about it?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.

I can't say that I do. As a child growing up I have always been secluded even in kindergarten. From first to third grade I always wanted to make A's on my school work and when I got a B I would burst in to tears immediately. I would try to socialize with my peers but the connection wasn't ever there in terms of wanting to be popular or getting to know people. I never wanted to participate in field trips or class functions during this period in my life. Then they decided to put me in a special ed. class because they thought I would do better in a smaller enviroment. It only made it worse for I would get restrain almost every day or be a disturbance in the class. I also kicked a counselor for talking to me. One time during school I got so frustrated and believe I wasn't in my right frame of mind at the time that I locked myself in my locker intentionally so the teachers couldn't find me. The only reason they found me was I had a locker mate at the time. Eventually I became to much for them to handle and they sent me to disciplinary school for children for a year and a half my parents did not have any trouble out of me while I attended that school which was amazing. I don't have no clue why that is. When we moved from Michigan to Arkansas, I started the 6th grade and things got a little bit worse. My teacher found a sheet of paper in my desk that said I wanted to blow up the school and I tossed a chair in my science class cause a teacher wanted me to go to the table where the teacher's assistant was so I could get some help with my work but I didn't want to. I did all these out of confusion and anger at the time but I don't remember why and I went blank when I committed these acts. From 7th grade to 12th grade I had to major incidents: one was when I hit a kid in class for messing with me and the other was cursing out the vice principal at football pep rally.

I have been to therapy. I never felt like going to therapy though cause I didn't want my parents to spend all that money on some guy that didn't have know I idea what he/her was doing. Real reason I didn't want my parents to spend that money and the psychologist and financially they could not afford it. Anyway, all the therapists told me I had to socialize and open up which was a bunch of bull. They had me take educational test which I past and I have a sense of what is wrong and right. It is easy to fool psychologist unless you be straight up with them. Even when I was straight up with them they told me the same.

I never felt suicidal, more like go into the woods and get away from the world as a whole. Hide from society and wish people would leave me alone. I say I want to kill people a lot but I don't have the testicular fortitude to do it. I am afraid of weapons, I can barely shoot mine without flinching or shaking. I hate violence. I want to just escape from this world.

Yes, I am always that suspicious. These habits have gotten worser sense I've been over here. It is like I can't trust nobody anywhere. Well, I never trust anybody. When I walk by them and they get quite, that makes me really anxious and nervous.

I talk to my parents but I put a front on how I am really doing sometimes. Lately, I had been telling them the truth and they keep telling me to keep a level head. I have this mechanism that makes me lie to every body and all that anger just builds up until I explode. I also have the tendacy to talk to myself a lot. I believe the only person that can understand me is me. It might sound crazy but that is how I feel.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.

I sometime experience this emotion of carelessness towards people. Not caring of other people's feelings at times. It is like my emotions are not there. That probably don't make no sense. Then there is when I go to the store I rush in and out cause I get nervous around people and when I am at the register I try to block their vision with my body so they can't see what I am buying.



Thank you for all of that additional information and for being so forthright with me. I know you don't have many good thoughts toward therapy, and I want to tell you that this is not uncommon. Therapy can be like any other relationship where two people just don't get along as well as they could or should. Yes, these people are trained in what they do, they are not just regular people trying to make a fool out of you, they are professionals who have had to go to school for a very long time to lean how to treat other people and help them with their problems.

I definitely think after everything you've told me that you should be in therapy. If nothing else, therapy can help you develop coping skills to deal with people, help you open up more about how you're feeling, and possibly put you on medications that can help with your anxiety. If in fact you are suffering from anti social disorder, or anything close to it, therapy should be mandatory, and medication may be to. Imagine that it may be possible to feel somewhat normal if you can get a grasp on what needs to be done to make you feel better about yourself and the world around you.

Thats not to say that therapy or medication in of themselves are any type of miracle cure, just that they are at least a buffer in your life that can help you get started/pointed in the right direction. I know it would feel good to you to feel like you have some sort of control over your life, and to feel less anxious. Like I said before, you are not marrying your therapist.....but you do have to give it some time before you will see results. What might seem insignificant to you, could be important to them.

I know it's hard, and I can tell you are in pain over this. I'm urging you to go ahead and talk to a therapist. You have to be open and tell them the same things you are telling me so that they can give you an accurate diagnosis. No games. Also, I'm always here, I know I took a while to get back to you, i had a family emergency. But I will always get back to you. Anytime you need to talk, you can feel free to request me by name if you want to talk to me. Let me know if you want to talk more


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Thank you for the bonus, that was nice of you. I just wanted to let you know that everything was fine and there was no need for you to apologize. I just want to see you do better and feel better. Let me know what you decide to do and if nothing else, you can alsways come back and talk to me. Feel free to request me by name anytime you want to talk, ok?


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