There are certain things that people sometimes believe right off the bat. One, is that we'll meet our prince charming and he will be wonderful and loving and take care of us for the rest of our lives. Men on the other hand, when they have a wife at home think, she's home all day, relaxing, and when I get home, the house should be clean, clothes done, dinner cooked and she should look like a supermodel. Neither of these is very realistic as you have seen firsthand.
Your relationship can work one of a few ways. If he's working full time, then your job is to run and manage the house. That's not to say that job is easy, but it is your job. If that means that you have to make a schedule for yourself for what you need to get accomplished every say, then maybe you need to do that. You shouldn't do laundry every day, choose a laundry day, choose the days you're going to vacuum, buy paper plates, have a place for everything and if you don't have a place for it, consider chucking it. When you make a schedule, complete with times and days and stick to it, you'll find you're getting more done in less time.
What he needs to understand is that even though he works, he has an obligation to his home as well. You both should make a list of all the chores that he needs to do around the house. This can include taking out the trash each night, mowing the lawn, upkeep on the car, keeping the garage clean, fixing anything that breaks, helping wash the dinner dishes, walking the dog, etc. Anything that deals strictly with the house. Once you both write your lists, then you need to compare lists and come to a compromise. You can make a list of all of the things you do around the house, but it won't impress him if you are not doing these things.
When he gets home from work, it's normal that he would want to relax and just come down from his day, while you look at his coming home as a break in your boredom as well as a break with your son. So how do you figure out a middle ground? Perhaps when he comes home he can take your son for an hour, while you do anything personal that you need to do. That way, he's giving you the respect of saying I know you had to deal with OUR son all day, so I'm going to give you a breather. Even if it's not as soon as he gets home, maybe he can be home for an hour and (for example) between 6 and 7 he takes him outside, to the park, for a ride, or anywhere where he's totally away from you, or keeps him at home but allows you to leave the house for an hour to go to the gym, store, etc. Also, you don't always have to stay in the house with your son, put him in his stroller and go for a walk, or a drive.
Look into any mothers groups in your area, try the paper, www.craigslist.com, or other local websites near you. If you can't find one, then maybe you can start one for mothers in your area. Some mothers groups, take turns going to each others houses each week for tea or lunch, they share child tips, and just basically support each other. One group I know of, got along so well, they took turns babysitting for each other.
You need time for yourself. If that means once a week (sat or sun) you get to leave the house and do whatever you want for a set amount of time, and then he gets a time when he can go out. You can either switch every other sat or one of you takes sat and one of you takes sun and you switch each week. The other is responsible for taking care of the baby on that day. At some point you will need to find a babysitter that you can use at least one weekend a month, so that you and your husband can go out on a date and spend time out without interruption.
As for him making a mess, you have to explain it to him (sometimes more than once) that you can't pick up after him, you and your son and it's not fair to expect you to. Maybe what he needs to do is stay home for a week and do your job.
Making lists, writing letters and putting together schedules are all good ways to put things on paper and work them out. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more