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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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My ex has threatened me.

Customer Question

I have been seeing him for 5 yrs yes like a fool I believed he was leaving his wife. He threatened to kill me if I contacted his wife. We work at the same place. What should I do? I live alone and he knows where. Should I get a restraining order? It''s his word against mine as far as the threat.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello catwoman,

If someone has threatened your life then yes, you can file a complaint and possibly get a harassment/restraining order, you can even let him know if he threatens you again you will call the police. My suggestion is you just leave him alone and ask him to do the same. If the threat of you telling his wife is gone, then he may leave the whole thing alone. However, if you file a restraining order and a police report, it's more than likely his wife will find out somehow and this could just make him angrier...but this is really your call. If you believe he is a danger to you, then you may be best served by filing a report.

I don't know if you are still seeing him, but obviously this isn't safe for you. If you do decide to stop seeing him, I would suggest keeping a journal with dates and times and any problems or issues you have with him from this point on, in case you need it for court.

Let me know if I can be of further assistance


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: His wife and my husband found out about us four and a half years ago we had been seeing each other for six months. I did truly fall for him and I divorced my husband. He just kept making promises and had an excuse for every time he couldn't keep his promise. He kept telling me that she didn't love him he was just her wallet and that she knew we were still seeing each other. Two months ago I was tired of all the excuses and told him her or me. He of course didn't choose me. So at that time I told him then since she knew we were seeing each other he shouldn't care if I call her and tell her were done that he was all hers. He told me do it I don't care. He didn't think I would but I did. He called me a week later and told me he still was in love with me and didn't mean what he had said. All the while as I found out today from her he was telling her the same that we were over and he loved her. He called her and told her I was going to call her so she called me to find out why I wanted to call her. He told her that I was stalking him and wouldn't leave him alone which I swear is a lie. I have tried to walk away from him he is the one that calls me and tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. I know that what we did was wrong but I did truly fall in love with him and believed him. I was used I know his wife won't sleep with him and I have refused to until he left her. He once again tried to get me to give in and I stuck to my guns and told him not unitl he left her and this is why all of this happened. I can't believe that he threatened me today. I am totally devastated. Honestly, I don't know if he would do anything or not. He has an extremely bad temper and next week my kids are on spring break with their dad and he knows I will be here alone. I am known for being too trusting and being a door mat I can't describe how ripped apart I am. That someone could be as cruel as he has been when all I did was give him love.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello catwoman,

So basically what you're saying is that he's lied to you for the past two to four years. He never intended on leaving his wife, yet allowed you to divorce your husband.

You can say that you've tried to walk away, but he calls you and you go back. He disrespects you by saying that you are stalking him, denies you to his wife, and now has threatened to kill you.

Believe me when I tell you that he has not changed, he is just showing his true colors now. It's up to you at this point to decide if it's worth dealing with any more of his nonsense, or even risking your life to continue along this path. You've already put a lot of time and energy into this relationship to no good end, maybe it's time to start thinking about what you need in your life instead of what you want. As you've said, you allowed yourself to be used in the past, maybe its time for you to face up to why you are this way, what happened in your life that made you think it was ok to be treated like a doormat. Don't you deserve better? Of course you do. You deserve to have someone love you the way you need to be loved, and you deserve to be happy. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.