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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1704
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Dear Dr. This has never troubled me before, I have always ...

Customer Question

Dear Dr. This has never troubled me before, I have always focussed on doing things, work, study. But I am female, early 30s and have never had a proper relationship with anyone. The two, very short experiences were with guys on the rebound, so not good experiences for me! It is upsetting me now as Im afraid of relationships and am not sure what it is about me that has me in this situation. Also, after experiencing these brief times with someone, I am beginning to feel that I am missing something potentially beautiful. But, honestly, having being single for so long, I don''t know if I will ever experience a proper relationship. That thought is making me quite sad recently. Is my situation very unusual?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Dee

Let me ask you a couple of questions

Do you have close female friends?

Do you ever go out?

Where did you meet both guys?

How do you feel about yourself in general (looks, brains, body, etc)?

Do you have any hobbies, do you travel, do you go out?

Chase

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Yes I have close female friends but talking to them about such problems would be difficult as they know as someone who is generally very independent, adventurous and not troubled by such things. I am generally the one listening to their problems with guys...I dont think they would understand...I never tried approaching them on this.
I go out sometimes, to cinema, theatre, easy situations. I am uncmfortable in a context that could involve meeting men, like clubs, parties, so I avoid them.
Both by chance, not through friends, they approached me. One in a college restaurant, the other in an evening out with friends.
Regarding looks, Im not confident at all. I am naturally very thin so missing some attractive elements, getting intimate with some is extremely uncomfortable for me, no matter how much I like the person. I concentrate on my brains, I do well in studies and work and my slef-confidence is centred around that.
I do have hobbies, I play music, love sport and am extremely active. It is the social settings that relate to such hobbies that I am uncomfortable about.Also, I have worked away from home in the past two years and so am out my comfort zone, so not as active as before. I have tried to push myself, my self-confidence never carries me through.