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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Psychological term entrenchment ...explain this behavior.

This answer was rated:

I was told I was entrenched in my present lifestyle... house, dog, garden, friends, preventing me from being truly free.

Hello Frances,

May I ask who told you this?

What is your age?

Do you enjoy your lifestyle or are you unhappy or unfulfilled?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.

Hello. Yesterday, my ex-boyfriend/fiancee of 7 moonths, after kind of dumping me, called; and in the conversation, he blamed me for the breakup because of my strong will, my stubborn personality...I precluded the advancement of the relationship. He also told me that I have to change and adjust to more what he wants me to be...and he could not tell me what he wanted to be changed. I mentioned to him that since I had become intimate with him, he had become very important to me.

He then said, "You hjave ENTRENCHED YOURSELF" by your unwillingness to trust me, and also your refusal to divulge to me your finances and haved dragged on about our prenups. You have also shown your mistrust of me by refusing to combine your monthly income with mine so that we coul live well. To me, you have shown great mistrust; and I was looking for some signs of atonement from you. Is this normal?

I am 72 and he is 76; and money seems not to be the issue, though he points to it all the tiem. How is the best way for me to get over this guy and tell him something that would let him know I am done. How can I forget him? He was attentive, nice, sweet... up until the money and the mistrust char


Hello Frances,

It's not uncommon when we get older to become more 'set in our ways'. Entrenched would imply that you are going to do things your way and not change a single thing in your life or schedule for anything or anyone. I'm not sure this describes you, nor am I convinced that he's qualified to make this assessment. It's not uncommon for men to be paranoid, or distrustful of a woman who is strong willed or stubborn (if you'll excuse me for saying so, particularly in that age range where he may be from a period where women were not so self sufficient and more defendant on them).

"adjust to more what he wants" you to be? You've been dating 7 months and he wants to change you AND have you divulge you finances to him AND combine your monthly incomes? He can't be serious, and you can't be thinking this is right? Seven months is barely enough time to get to know someone, no less combine finances or be asked to change your way of life. Atonement? Atonement is a pretty loaded word....he's no judge, nor is he your god, why would you need to atone to him? Money is certainly/obviously an issue here. If you want to forget about him, think about how much of a bully he sounds like, and how eager he is to 'combine finances'/ You didn't work and come this far to have someone else reap the benefits of your finances. If he really cared about you, he would want to do whatever it took to make you feel comfortable. Prenups can be canceled, if lets say you were married for two years and felt it was no longer necessary. It's not about the prenup, the money, it's about you not doing what he wants you to do, when he wants you to do it.

I understand that it may have been nice to have someone to be with that showed you attention, and was sweet, but his ulterior motives bely that sweetness, and you have to protect yourself. If he's not willing to compromise with you and i he continues to feel the need to (in my opinion) subtly put you down, then you will be better off without him

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more




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Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Ms. Chase, I have to at least tell him something; and that isnot a problem. How does none get over the fact that this is the case. Is it most helpful just to get busy; is there any quick way to get over the emoitnal impact of being dumped? Thanks! If you can give me a few pointers, then I could pay the $9 and be "on my way". better of than before I asked the questions. Thanks! Fran


You can tell him that you're life is very fulfilling, and that if he can't see a space for himself in your life, or you in his, then so be it. If he is willing to take the time to work with you and not be so adamant about things that you are not ready for then that's one thing, but to expect you to change your entire life in 7 months is a bit much.

Not sure how quick you can get over it, I think it depends on your personality. I find that keeping busy helps, especially when you're doing something for others. Take a class, teach a class, pick up a new hobby, go on a trip or spend time with friends.

Of course if you want to talk more, I'm here.