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Lindie, Parent
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5490
Experience:  Parent/Step Mother: With 20+ years experience.
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Customer Question

Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lindie replied 9 years ago.

Let's see if this will work.


If you don't mind answering a few questions this will give me a better idea.

How long have you both been married?

Any kids together?

Is this the first time he has said anything about the "marriage" itself?

What occurred to lead him up to saying what he did?

Are you happy with him?

Thank you,

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
we have been married 7 years.   two kids of mine from a previous marriage. Yes he has not liked being married however likes my companionship and my looks and knows it is good for his career to be married. He has broken my heart for 7 years but he makes $170,000 I make nothing I have been in economic poverty before and we agreed that this was through thick and thin. The difference between this and the other fights is he said we are too different to be married you are too nice and i am a jerk. I am a white collar jerk and have no emotion and you need someone with some emotion.   What led up to this well with our $42,000 balance I made a purchase to the grocery store for $32.00 and he said I was be irresponsible.   His drinking is about $150 a month. I don't drink... I drained my savings and but it in his account with his name only.

I say I am happy because I do not want to be in economic poverty and yes when he does not strike out at me i am happy.. it just puts me down and in bed for five days when he does this he has no clue. His way of making up is to wash my car.

i do love him very much.. i just don't love what he does.. and he is totally clueless and says that had never hurt me.....well the truth is in the reports yes he has.. be not now... i just need the guts to talk to someone i have an attorney appt on tuesday.... ineed to make sure i will recieve at least $3,000 in alimony.. h makes $8,000 gross every two weeks.

Expert:  Lindie replied 9 years ago.

If you are there for the money, and he is there for companionship and the looks for his career, then that is NO marriage.

You say he was burned in the past.. well, a lot of people generally are if they were in a previous relationship. But that was then and this is now. If he can't treat you as you deserve, then it would be best to see if you can get alimony if you were to divorce.

You say you love him, but you don't say if deep down he loves you. If there is love on both sides, then it could work out.. but love, compromise etc. needs to be done or it will not work. And as I'm sure you know, it does take 2 people to make a relationship and marriage to work out. It can't be one sided.

I'm sorry he won't see a counselor, as it would probably do him wonders. Plus it may even be good if he were to possibly be evaluated for a low dose antidepressant as well. As it sounds like he is just not happy in general. Which then he takes it out on you.

It's really true when people say one has to love themselves before they can really love someone else. And it doesn't seem like he is happy.

I don't know what kind of speaking terms you are both on, or if you would like this to work out. But if he won't "talk" to you.. then perhaps write him a letter. Tell him how you feel, and what you would like. Also mention what good things there are about him as well. And perhaps there are things you miss that use to occur between you both.

Remind him that you are not his ex and you just want to live as a family etc.

But he will need to change and find out what makes him happy too. If he is not willing then nothing will get better and things can actually get worse. Keep in mind that nobody can make you feel bad, unless you let them. So keep your head up because you are a good person and deserve to be happy. I know you have some medical issues that prevent you from earning an income. But don't let him take anything away from you. Be strong.. don't cry over him.
And if writing that letter doesn't help, then chances are he is right. He's a jerk and you need to find a way to better your situation, if that means a divorce, alimony, lump sum payment etc.

I hope this helps and gives you a different perspective of looking at all this.

If you need anything else please feel free to ask. If you found this helpful don't forget to click the *ACCEPT* button and please take a moment to leave me *POSITIVE* feedback.

Lindie and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
are you there or busy..just hoping to get a response to you.. i know that relationships are very up and down or that is all I know about relationships... I am numb and have destroyed all my emotions because of his rudeness and lack of compassion for the world.
Customer: replied 9 years ago.
YOU WERE EXCELLENT THANK YOU I have given you a $5.00 bonus plus the 30.00
Expert:  Lindie replied 9 years ago.

Thank you.. And I'm on usually every day.. so if things change or you just need someone to talk to.. let me know..

I wish you ALL the best.. Take care of you too!!!