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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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hi, me and my fiance have been engaged since october 2008.

Customer Question

hi, me and my fiance have been engaged since october 2008. we used to have a long distance relationship for about a year or so. then in october he came there to propose to me. by the way he lives in the caribbean islands. i recently gave up everything and move down here me and my youths from a previous relationship to be a family. when i first arrived his ex girls would call and i would get a little bent out of shape. he tells me that they are just friends and that i have nothing to worry about. i even spoken to one of them and she knows about me but at the same time she turns around and asks him out on a date.(hummm). anyway neither one of them called again but for some strange reason i keep thinking he wants to leave because now it''s like we don''t make love like we used to and when we''re making love he don''t hardly touch me like he used to. when we reason about it he tries to do better but then the same thing all over again. now when i say something about it. it makes him feel bad.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello sistah

Did you mean october 2007? You've been together about 6 months?

Does he do anything to make you think he's cheating?

how old are the two of you?

What does he do when he feels bad? does he change?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: correct! october 2007. we've been seeing eachother for the past 3 years off and on and we go serious jan 2007. he's in his early 40's and i'm in my mid 30's.not really but sometimes he gives me the impression that he wants to be alone to have his freedom. but he ask me to marry him.... he doesn't really feel bad when i say something about he i'm feeling he would reason but the reasonment would end up sounding as if i was nagging him. and i don't want to do that however, i do think that communication is important. i don't know could i just be paronoid or insecure or is there something i need to take heed to? he do alot for my kids and i but at the same time he would do these thinks for other people as well. when i first move here with him we used to make love everyday now it's maybe 2-3 times a week?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Sistah,

Communication is probably the most important aspect of a relationship. You should be able to talk about things without feeling that you are 'nagging', and if he makes you feel like you are nagging when you want to talk, that is wrong. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting to spend time alone away from their partner. It's in fact, very healthy to have things that you do on your own, or with friends, without your partner. Taking/teaching a class, going out to dance, getting a hobby, are all things you can do on your own to help yourself grow and to have interesting things to talk about when you are together.

As for the sex, again you have to talk and tell him how you feel....not in a nagging way, or telling him that he's not doing something right, but when he does something you enjoy, you can tell him, "I like that a lot" or "wow, you really made me feel good when you did that". Men respond positively to praise. It's not uncommon for the sex to slow down after you've been with someone for a while, 2/3 times a week is still good, some people complain that it's 2/3 times a month!

So, a little more affectionate, set up time that is just for you and him, do touching exercises, like massages with oils, hand massages, feet massages, etc. Plan to do little things for each other, and again, talk and communicate.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more