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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Im trying to understand why an older lady I know

Resolved Question:

I'm trying to understand why an older lady I know values her so called best friends that are reliable at times of need even to the point where they will be there if it requires time off from work, at zero. And her friends who never or barely help and won't give up any of their time, never set anything personal aside (arobics class for example) most valuable and rewarded even though she talks bad of only these friends behind their backs. And what could be done to make her realize who her friends realy are?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

She talks bad about the 'bad' friends?

what does she say about them?

Who does she spend more time with?

Are you one of her friends?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Yes, She talks bad about the ones that neglect her the most but are mre valued. One she describes as scatter brained and incapable of handling anything properly. The other does nothing right. Both of these are wealthy. Gives them $ anytime they want it. The others are just good souls not wanting or accepting her money. Not wealthy. Just helpful. She spends most of her time with the good souls, but sees the others less frequently, maybe weekly. Yes I am a friend but not on this level, she comes over and chats.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.


It's funny how life works sometimes. Sometimes the people who treat us the worst are the ones we think we need to prove something to. If someone cares about you unconditionally, then you don't have to prove anything or do anything to make them like you. However, when we have people that don't treat us as well as we think we should be treated, then we tend to strive to prove a point, to get them to like us and it can sometimes become an obsession.

Alternatively, you can have someone who's self esteem is so low that they believe that they somehow deserve to be treated this way. This can be totally subconscious and they may not even realize that they're doing it.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more



Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Both groups of friends treat her well but the valued friends to her are the most unreliable, the ones she gives money to and do the least for her, back stabs, are the ones she treats the best. The question is, why would a person value the ones that she back stabs and complains about much more than the ones who do the most for her, the people that are her true friends Is this a mental illness? A twisted brain? Dementia?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.


I completely understand what you're saying, and again, sometimes it's the people who treat us the worst that make the most of an impression on and that we feel like we need to prove something to or make an impression on. It's as if they are never happy with us, so we try to please them. It's not necessarily a 'mental illness' but certainly a part of our psyche, something that may have happened where someone she really loved treated her badly and she started to equate this type of behavior with love.


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