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Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PhD. Clinical Psychology
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How do you know someone has a gambling problem My husband ...

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How do you know someone has a gambling problem? My husband just gamble Friday night then gamble on Monday night. We have a 18 month baby and I think he needs to come first. Being a parent you do your need aside and your child should come first. My husband does not know how to balance his marriage out. He still act like he is single again. I don't want this to become a habbit. His dad is the same way living that kind a life style. He does what he want and don't feel need to even asked me and locks the door and ignore me right in front of my son. What do you think? Is he showing bad example in front of our son how he treats me. I don't want our son to treat me in the future. I think he should not gamble only in once a while. He even keep track when he spend time with me and gambles.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Theresa replied 9 years ago.

Hi Linda:

Being that your son is only 18 months old I don't think that your husband is providing a bad example, just yet. On the other hand if ti continues and this is a repeated behavior that your son can observe it will be a bad example when your son is old enough to realize his father's actions. In this I am strictly referring to the gambling for your son would have to be able to understand the concept of gambling and the negative effects it can have on your family.

Regarding the negative behavior, locking you out and ignoring you, yes, this is setting a bad example for your son. Even more so if your husband becomes loud when he does this. Your little baby will grow to learn that this is how women are treated as a whole.

I will use myself for an example: When I was a young girl I was alone with my 18 month old daughter from the time that she was 12 months to 36 months because her daddy was in the Army and serving an overseas assignment. Being like this, I had to take care of the things that most men take care of ... Fixing plumbing, painting, etc.

One day while visiting with my mom and dad, Mom and I went outside with a cup of coffee and Tara's playpen. She was 22 months at the time. My dad was re-roofing their home and I called up to him to let him know that mom and I had brought him a cup of coffee and lunch out to the patio. My daughter spotted him when he was coming down the ladder and she yelled at him "Papa what you do up there, that's a no no that's a Nana job" Of course we all thought that was so cute. But the truth is she thought that labor jobs had to be done by women because she had observed me doing these.

The same thing will happen with your son in time. You are a very smart lady to not want this to develop into a habit. Have you ever had the opportunity to sit down with your husband and share your feelings with him about this?

I am going to suggest that if you haven't then you need to. If he doesn't seem interested in discussing this with you then you need to let him know that it is important to you and to your marriage and your future.

Then when you are talking to him do so with love and sincerity while being totally honest also. Let him know your fears and how you feel about this. Explain to him why you are concerned.

Just let him know that you love him and want the two of you to have a good life for both of you and your children. Let him know that if he doesn't feel that he can quit this on his own you will stand by him to help him overcome it because you are a team. Let him know that it might be best if the two of you went to counseling regarding this for both of you could learn in this way. And, do let him know that you are not looking for a miracle over night, and because you love him you will respect and be proud of every small thing he does to help himself overcome this disease (gambling is a disease).


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