Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

Long story short I met this guy three months ago

Customer Question
he went to boot camp...
Long story short I met this guy three months ago he went to boot camp graduated the 1 of feb we wrote each other a lot. He wrote me several text messages that following monday and asked me to marry him. The next night we talked on the phone till 2am he said he was very sick though with 102.4 temp. The next day after that he didn''t call or write at all even though the previous night he said he would and that he loved me. Well thursday I finally sent him a message to ask if he was ok he said he wasn''t and that thanks baby I''m going back to bed. Well my mother called to ask him what was going on that Friday and he said he had been very ill and that all next week he was going to spend time with his daughter that she was his number one priority. Well I called him this monday and no answer I left him a voice mail to call me back and it''s now Thursday no call. Did he just ditch me or am I being paranoid? He did tell my mother that he would call me when he was feeling better. Any thoughts?
Submitted: 9 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 1 hour by:
2/14/2008
Counselor: Theresa, Psychologist replied 9 years ago
Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology
Verified

Hello:

Giving a specific answer to your question would really be impossible in that I don't have th chance to ask the boy directly if he has ditched you! Wink I'm sure that you can understand what I am saying in this.

A strong possibility that may explain this follows and is based on the information that you have provided.

You indicate that you spoke with him on Tuesday and he told you that he was very sick. I would think that this is why he didn't call you on Wednesday even though he said that he would... It is possible that he just felt like yuck and didn't want to get out of bed...

On Thursday he replied to your text message which tells me that you were still on his mind and in his heart...

The concern that I have begins on Friday when your Mom called him to find out what was going on... In addition to the fact that he has not called you since that time...

The rest of my answer is based on my experience working with couples...

He has been away from you for two weeks now... And during a time that he was sick he was hounded by your mother calling him to find out what was going on... (I am using your comment here)

He most likely figured that he doesn't need this or he may not want to put up with our mother for the rest of his life. He is probably thinking that he wants you but figures that to have you he will have to put up with her too. He may also be thinking that is you can not trust him when he has done nothing for you to mistrust him (after all people do get sick) that he will have to face the judge (your mom) so to speak every time you aren't sure of something he says or does.

In honesty this is not something most men or women want in a relationship. This is also very understandable. If you had concerns or do have concerns, you should talk to him about them directly. After all it is you and he that make up the couple.

He may be taking the time to consider these things as I type this response to you. Or he could simply just be enjoying his time with his daughter being that he said this was his #1 priority. For this he is to be admired for there are so many parents that leave their children on the back burner.

Don't expect him to contact you just because it is Valentines day either. I was married to a wonderful man for years and he never remembered the holidays. This is not a sign of love or romance. You see my husband never missed an anniversary-- not one--Our first date... The day we married... The day each of our children were born... and my birthday... He also had reason for this.

He said without my birth his life would not have been complete. Our first date was the beginning of his life... Our wedding was the day that the whole world knew I was his... And our beautiful children... he thanked me every time I gave birth... he said that this was because for every child that we had, the world would have the opportunity to be blessed by my beauty and our love and he could see it blossom as he watched them grow.

I offer you this as an example... not to bore you with my life... but to show you that men are unique in their own way.

If I were you I would send him a simple text... Happy Valentines Day Sweetie... I Love You... Hoping that the time you have with your little one creates wonderful memories for both of your futures... Looking forward to your return and hearing your sexy voice again...

Then sit back and wait... Being over zealous could send him on his way if he is having doubts. A message like the one I have suggested could re validate his feelings for you.

I do hope that all works out for you. If you ever need to talk again I am here.

Terri

If this information has been helpful to you then please do ACCEPT by clicking on the green button on your screen for this is how we are compensated for our work. Positive feedback is always appreciated too!

If I can be of assistance to you in the future, you may request my help by typing:

ATTN: Terri60 before typing your question on the header or subject line and submitting it!

 

 

 

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Customer reply replied 9 years ago
I sent him a message yesterday saying Happy Valentines day and still no response. Now what do I do?
Counselor: Theresa, Psychologist replied 9 years ago

Hi heart:

If you have not heard anything from him then I will have to advise as I did yesterday.

Then sit back and wait... Being over zealous could send him on his way if he is having doubts. A message like the one I have suggested could re validate his feelings for you.

I don't think that it is in your best interest to continue to keep trying to contact him while he is with his daughter. I believe that the text message was a great way for him to know that you are still thinking of him.

If he is only going to see his daughter for a week let him have this time. If he is due back to work on Monday the 18th of February and does not contact you at this time, then I would actual call him on Tuesday and confront him. I would be very polite when I did this also. Not for the purpose of hoping to gain anything back but to be sure that he doesn't realize that you are upset.

Personally, I don't even know that I would call. If he doesn't respond to you by this time it may be his impolite way of ditching you... This is also why you would be polite should you decide to call.

If you do just tell him the truth and nicely... Let him know that you don't mean to bother him if he is busy but also let him know that you feel as though he doesn't want to be with you any longer as he hasn't called you, etc. Tell him that if this is true that you accept it but you would just appreciate hearing it from him instead of waiting for something that may never come.

Unfortunately, this is all that you can really do. As I thought on your situation further, I have to say... It really doesn't make sense for someone to ask you to marry them and then vanish... If he is the type that isn't sincere then you are better off to find out now instead of yers later when you have invested a portion of your life in him... Three months is nothing compared to three or more years... Even though the hurt can be just as strong for a while.

Terri

If this information has been helpful to you then please do ACCEPT by clicking on the green button on your screen for this is how we are compensated for our work.

Positive feedback is always appreciated too!

If I can be of assistance to you in the future, you may request my help by typing:

ATTN: Terri60 before typing your question on the header or subject line and submitting it!

 

Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology
Verified
Theresa and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Theresa Your Own Question
Theresa
Theresa
Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
877 Satisfied Customers
Experience: PhD. Clinical Psychology

Theresa is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos I noticed while organizing our old photos that she kept a number of photos (7 or 8) of an old boy friend. She dated him off and on for about… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in
Hello I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in law-enforcement. Over five years ago I met a woman through my work and her daughter was 11 at the time. She was with somebody then so I thought noth… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we
my girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we attend the same church . We had both been out of long term relationships and healed each other before forming our own relationship. We were going great and madly Inlove .her behavior was amazing towards me with no signs of changing for the worse up until November 2017 we were having these tiny but annoying arguments mostly caused by me and my trust issues I will admit . So I called her one morning to make up for an argument we had the night before and she suddenly tells me she doesn't love me anymore and she does not want the relationship anymore . I freeze but go about the usual desperate plead and beg route which made her even more upset . We attend church that Sunday and when she sees me she feels the love again and we speak normal for 2 weeks not officially together yet but making moves she evens sends me a detailed email telling me how impressed she is and it will help us going forward . I push to hard the next day of this email and upset her all over again. That weekend before Christmas 2017 she goes totally cold towards me and destroys me in a phone call and tells me I am obsessed with her etc. she drops me a further bombshell the week of Christmas by telling me she is going to meet her ex for breakfast and I need to be mature about it . I decide then and there I am done with this and I cut off all contact with her . No calls or texts and emails . So about 2 weeks go by and she sends me a text ‘hey you have just crossed my mind hope you are well' I respond 5 hours later with ‘I am well . Hope you well,take care' the next week she sends me a pointless text to which I just respond with thank you and this week she sends me a long detailed apology email informing me that she is sorry for pain she had caused me and I am truly a great guy and she doesn't understand why she had so much built up anger toward me and till this day she can't seem to know why she got so upset with me and she doesn't deserve me etc . I responded with a simple thanks for the apology and she said she does not know why she took so long to apologize something just held her back . I don't hate her at all it not in my nature to hold grudges but this girl ruined my holidays and told me really hurtful stuff while she was out having a blast . And now suddenly she feels apologetic. Please advise … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous when they mention or are with hanging other guys. (I'm a 20 year old guy) I don't know why though, I don't like getting jealous but I can't hel… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
If he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, why
If he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, why doesnt he leave instead of giving me false hope?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend has depression, sleeps most of the time, is
My boyfriend has depression, sleeps most of the time, is awake when I'm not with him, doesn't want to sleep in the same bed because he wants to stretch out, be alone, and most recently tells me that I… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
If you are there I would like to describe the situation,
Jen, if you are there I would like to describe the situation, which I asked you about yesterday, in more detail as I would value your opinion.… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
second opinion] Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting with another guy while I was talking to my current boyfriend. I never told him and tried to hide it. Now he knows and is questioning my trust… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little of each? Im an insecure anxious attachment type for sure.... i always need reassurance and stuff from my gf... my gf in the beginning was alr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at work I thought he was good looking we hit it off as friends. He had me staying over his place a lot, then I found out he was gay/bi I start… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My question is about a possible beginning to a relationship.
Hello this is Brian, my question is about a possible beginning to a relationship … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex girlfriend come over to visit even though you tell him to it really bothers you… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have chirldren with a previous partner and we still keep the family house and gather. But my family has not accepted my new partner 'although she is ever… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from unhappy 30+year
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from long unhappy 30+year marriage told me he keeps thinking bout old girlfriend and how he has always wondered about her and how/where she is. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. So I was a bit s… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a Sunday for brunch, She start 3 hours and gets rather trashed with her alcoholic Mother of which we do not like each other. Keep in mind that… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok,
not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok, My boyfriend and I and my two teenage daughters live together. I gave him the consent to record my daughter because we were trying to catch h… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x