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Ask Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA Your Own Question
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 34702
Experience:  MBBS, MS
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have been dating this guy off and on for a year and I have ...

Customer Question

have been dating this guy off and on for a year and I have fallen in love with him. He told me today that he recently uncovered that he is passive aggresive. This is a quote from his e-mail he sent me, " One thing I have recently uncovered is that I can be passive aggressive... I never really knew what that meant before, and now that I know I do not want anyone to get this from me. That is why I am telling you what's on my mind before I do something or say something harsh to push you away... I would rather be honest, than push you away because of anger, or things that I do to purposely to make you angry... which at the time I dont know Im doing. If you continue to see me you will get hurt, it would not be positive for either of us."

Okay I have read up on this passive-aggressive disorder thing and agree 100% that he has it. Now everything I have gone through with him for the last year makes sense. Just in the last 3 months has it gotten worse with him becoming more passive-aggressive with me.

I could just walk away from all of this but in the process which stems from the begining when we first met have fallen in love with him.

Is there anyone out there mainly a professional that can give me some advice on how to deal with him and this disorder? I am willing to work here with him.

All advice is much appreciated. Thank you...
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. ARUN PHOPHALIA replied 9 years ago.


I thinks the first step has already been taken. He knows that he has got a problem and you want to work out the problem. So battle is half won. The next step is to consult a behavioral therapist. One of the goals of therapy is to try to promote self-confidence in these individuals by helping them realize how they are impeding their own success. The cornerstone for effecting interpersonal changes is individual psychotherapy that helps patients understand the sources of their interpersonal problems. A therapist must repeatedly point out the undesirable consequences of the patient's thought and behavior patterns and must sometimes set limits on the patient's behavior.

Here is a resource to, approaches to handling passive aggressive behavior;

Another resource to explain relationship problems in passive-aggressive behavior in married couples;

You can see that prognosis is good as mentioned in this resource;

I appreciate that despite knowing that your partner has a problem, you are trying to sort it out and not running away from the relationship. I respect your love, courage and sentiments. All of them will help you to have a smooth and great relationship. Still give yourself and your friend some time, before taking a concrete decision. Your psychiatrist specialist may suggest some drug therapy also.

Your follow up questions are welcome.

Dr. Arun