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Are you HIV positive?
What were his reasonings for cheating?
Why do you think you kept going back to him?
Thank you for that additional info. I didn't mean to suggest that you should leave him because of his illness, however, it must be said that his irresponsible behavior put him in this position, and could have put you in the same situation. Although the both of you have made many excuses for his cheating, it doesn't make it right. Even with saying that he would try, all that showed is that he couldn't do it, not for the love he should have felt for you, nor the love you felt for him.
The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior, and he has shown you a number of times that he's not interested in changing his behavior. Many times people can change when they are faces with a life changing event, such as a death, a birth or a life threatening illness such as in this case, but if he is not willing in his heart to change then it won't make a difference.
I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more
Oh darling, I feel for you, I really do. Isn't it something how we can hold out for something for so long hoping beyond hope that things will change? The worst part is that he not only doesn't care about you enough to want to be monogamous, but he didn't care enough about himself and now this illness is something he's going to have to live with. It's very sad because you offered him love and he could not be satisfied with that. It's not your fault, but something in him that was/is searching and searching to find something he thinks he lost or thinks he needs.
How is it that friends that don't cheat would have the audacity to say don't be concerned about cheating? When you love someone it's like saying don't be concerned with breathing! Why should you change how you feel about love and relationships for someone who obviously doesn't respect you or even respect themselves.
I promise you, it won't be easy to get past this, and it's going to hurt for a while, but you will get past it. You will find someone who will love you the way you need to be loved. In the meantime you have to have the strength to walk away from this relationship that is not only killing your special spirit, but could potentially kill you physically as well. I'm not saying to leave because of the HIV, but it's part of everything that he has brought to the table and should be acknowledged.
I welcome your thoughts, please do not hesitate to reply if you want to talk more.
Brazil is a gorgeous country with even more gorgeous people, physically and spiritually, I hope to one day visit. I'm glad I was able to help, and I know it's not going to be easy, but you are strong, and you deserve so much better, and I know you will find it. The funny thing is when you find that love that's so good to you, and is fulfilling and healing, you turn around and ask yourself 'what was I thinking back then!" lol.
Please feel free to ask for me by name anytime you have a question about anything at all. If I can't help I will be sure to find you someone who can.