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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. This is the ...

Customer Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. This is the second year we''re going through the long distance thing. We love each other deeply, and talk often about plans to finally spend our future together. However, lately, it just seems as though we are annoying each other. He''s very busy, working 12 hour days, then coaching a high school swim team. I work 8 hour days, and am studying for my masters in education degree. We both have our own lives, but check in often with one another. I just don''t know what to do though because it seems like there''s a disconnect lately, or we''re stagnant. Is it natural to go through rough spots? I just feel like I am always nagging him and he''s getting annoyed....any guidance?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Argyle,

Do you live together?

How often do you see each other?

What do you nag him about?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
We live an hour and half away from each other. We see each other every weekend, when possible, but sometimes we skip weekends. I nag him for not talking enough on the phone when we do talk. He says we don't need to sit on the phone for hours, but he likes us checking in for a few minutes here and there all day. I live alone with my parents and have no friends around, while he lives with friends, and has so much going on all the time around him. He does more things than I do. He works with younger people and I work with old people. I think I sometimes get jealous.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

It's so typical for women to want to sit on the phone and chat for hours, most guys don't work like that. I take it as a good sign that he doesn't mind talking for a few minutes here and there all day, at least he's not blowing you off, he just may not be a phone person.

What you have to do is find a middle ground that you are comfortable with. If you're 'nagging' it's usually an indication that you're unhappy about something. If that's not addressed it will only get worse. Maybe you can compromise and talk once a day for an hour or once every other day for an hour. If you don't see each other on the weekend, then you definitely should get more phone time. Basically you are a phone person, and he isn't so you have to find a comfortable middle ground for the both of you.

There's no sense in getting jealous, maybe you need to pick up a hobby or take a class. When you have one really busy person and one that's not as busy, then one can get jealous because they think the other person doesn't have time for them. This is not necessarily the case, but sometimes adding a thing or two to your own schedule can help distract you from wondering about him or being lonely. It's natural to feel this way so don't beat yourself up about it. You just want to be wary of pushing him away because of feeling jealous or insecure.

Look at the good things and remember that thru out the times that you are not together. Be honest with him about how you're feeling, even if you think it sounds silly, it at least lets him know how you feel inside.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk further.