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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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How to end a long term relationship

Resolved Question:

I have been in a relationship with a woman for 10 years now. I am 59 and she is 62. She is a wonderful person rather then a lenghty explanation I must admit that I am not in love with her anymore but certainly do not want to hurt her.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Seaward,

I don't mind the lengthy explanation, any info you give me is helpful

Does she have any idea you feel this way?

Do you live together?

Is this something you believe can be reconciled if things were to change?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Well Ms Chase 1st allow me to thank you for the answer. I will attempt to give more info without being to lengthy although it certainly isn't something I want a quicky fix for. After 10 years I do believe she has intuition that all is not perfect. Yes we do and have lived together for 10 years now. I do not feel there is hope regarding my feelings getting any better. Again, I think so much of her and what we have enjoyed I don't want to create any hurt but because of my appreciation for her I feel it's the proper thing to do in telling her I feel I must move out. A MAJOR contribution to the relationships dermise is the fact her mother who is now 93 years old has lived with us for the past 6 years which means 6 of the 10 years have not truly been ours alone. I try each day and have tried each day to be as tolerabe as possible but am recently more or less worn out. What has really made me write this web-site is an encounter with a woman at a ....well.....a strip club......HOLD ON NOW..... I don't mean a Sopranoes type of encounter but I do mean an hours worth of very gentle kissing and that is all. Please keep in mind that it's not 'The Girl' that has brought me to this point but it's the gentle kissing that reminded me of what I'm missing and have not enjoyed in many many years. Nothing to do with sex .....nothing at all just those moments where you are alone with a person talking and touching (appropriate touching)....while discussing what ever. Again...Not the woman but ...the moment... I am a HOPELESS romantic and always have been.
Does this help in any way for you to understand ??? Again.... It's obvious there's a problem if for nothing else I'm here writing to an unknown person......OR ...Maybe that's the easiest way to go. I'm always learning....
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Seaward

Thank you for the response, please don't be concerned about being lengthy, as I always say, the more info you give me, the better I can help.

Let me preface this by saying that 10 years is a very long time to be with someone, and it's not uncommon for us to lose the 'magic' and passion in that amount of time. If you have not talked to her about how you feel, them you are not being fair to her, because she at least deserves a chance to make things right. Keep in mind that any relationship you get into may feel this exact same way after 10 years if you don't learn to communicate and keep things 'fresh'. It takes two people to keep a relationship feeling 'fresh' and new.

If you are telling me that there is no way, no how that anything could ever change how you feel, then there is nothing really that you can do because no matter what you do or how you say it, she is going to be hurt. There's no pretty way to say it nor any presentation that could make it more palatable. The best thing is, if you have absolutely made up your mind to leave, is to be as frank as possible, and don't play games about it. Don't drag your feet and make it more miserable for her, make your decision and act on it.

Think about a few things for me. When is the last time you kissed your woman for an hour? Why has it been so long? Why has the touching (appropriate or otherwise) stopped? Where did the love go? Is she the only one responsible for its loss?

Can you think about those things and get back to me?


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