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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have a friend that has a sister of the age of 18 . I am ...

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Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I have a friend that has a sister of the age of 18 . I am 24 yrs old and am interested in my friends sister , but am unsure of the age range or the friendship going for the worst .   What advice do you have ?
Expert:  Theresa replied 9 years ago.

Hello PaBrown:

As a general rule, when a young female is 18 years of age physically she is mentally 21 years of age. Understand that being a Psychologist I tend to think in terms of research and statistics , so the comment that I have provided to you is not referring to every 18 year old female, rather the population of 18 year old females as the majority of the whole.

As far as providing a specific or even a generalized answer for you with regard to the direction that this relationship might travel, be it up or down, would be fully dependent on the two of you. I will discuss this with more detail later in this response.

Being that I do not know you, your friend or her sister, I am going to provide you with a few important things to consider. These ideas will help you at finding an answer that is appropriately related to the question that you ask.

Additionally, I am going to suggest that you take a look at yourself also because this is just important to solving your question as it is looking at the young lady.

You indicate that you are interested in your friends 18 year old sister. If you were to ask yourself the following question what would your answer be? (please do Smile, I promise not to tell. You may write the answers you gain on a sheet pf paper for quick back referencing or you may let them glide through the magnificent motor neuron highway that is located in our brain...Just remember tis very possible that you may forget them or should you need them right away ...writing them down will allow you the opportunity for organizing them and having access to them in a jiff!)

What has generated this interest in me...Get out that paper lad, no cheating...Surprised didn't think I would know did you? (Just kidding)

Make a list for yourself and you will want to identify as many of these items as possible.

1. Is the attraction based on appearance for the most part?

2. Have I known her for some time and if so has this allowed me to learn enough about her person to realize I want to learn more?

Identify the specific things that attract you to her at the very moment. Take your time for you are the one that will grade this test and we want 100% with regard to honest answers; because they relate to you only there is not a way that they could be wrong.

When you have completed this ... please take a moment to write down the things that you like about yourself as well as the things you like to do, the musical preferences that you may have...hobbies, and the life values and morals that you believe are important to the success of an individual. While it may seem premature to you, I will also ask that you list your expectations with regard to a relationship that you may engage in including your thoughts on what a marriage should be like.

Do not panic...The views and perspective an individual holds at your age are very possibly going to show changes over the years. This is simply to get you started! Do list anything that would drive you insane if you had to live with it and the things that are pleasurable also.

If you have known the girl and her family , you will be able to answer some of the questions yourself. If you don't you will want to get to know her for this is the only way that you will learn things about her and observe her in action.

What will help you determine whether or not the two of you can have a truly successful relationship are the things that the two of you will share in common... While many say that opposites attract, this is so very far from the truth. It is the things that two people share in common that begin the process of building a strong bond. This is based on research that was completed in 1996.

A little picture for you... You believe that Friday being the last day of work for a given week should be spent at home. On the other hand your wife believe that this is the girls night out....She is out and about (and wasting money ---another little joke...laughter is nice) with her "girlfriends".

How long do you believe that this union will last? This one I can tell you for it is known. In order that a couple maintain a healthy union they have to be able to share things that they enjoy doing as a team, so to speak...Spending time together, and engaging in memorable and meaningful activities will strengthen the bond in a relationship.

The elements listed below are what allow a relationship to flourish. When one is missing then the relationship is open to the risk of falling apart.

Take a sheet of paper and draw a (What I call) Kindergarten house....

The foundation of the home is the RELATIONSHIP

The Left outer wall is called Dependability ---Being that you can depend on your partner to be there to support you

The right outer wall is called Reliability --- Being that you can rely on your partner to get you through good and bad situations...You can rely on them for emotional support

The right pitch of the roof is called Honor--- in that we show regard to and for our partner even when we disagree out of personal choice that is respect.

And the left pitch of the roof is called Trust --- For when we can rely on, depend on an honor our partner it is because we trust them

Now draw a large rainbow over the home and write commitment on the rainbow. When each of the elements are present in the relationship is will survive because the individuals have committed themselves to the other.

And the home's interior will be filled with LOVE!

If this information has been helpful to you then please do ACCEPT by clicking on the Green button on your screen.

Do let me know if I may help you with this further.