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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I am with a man 28 yrs older than me and have been 10 yrs.

Customer Question

I am with a man 28 yrs older than me and have been 10 yrs. I feel so misreble, we are not getting on at all. He wants to stay together cause he loves me and says that if I leave he will be lonely till the day he dies. But if I do stay then I will be sad till the day I die. We have 4 kids and we have different ways of raising them. He is old fashioned and hard (as he is older he would be) and I tend to be more chilled and easy. We have had councilling but basicly after 3 months was told she couldnt help us. Money is so tight as well. He is self employed and earns hardly anything. We have too many bills. Our house needs loads of work doing and he never bothers. And I have started to resent him. It just seems if he has his way I will be stuck in this misery forever and by the time Im set free I will be too old to start again. I dont know what to do and how to go about doing it in the nicest way possible. please help me.
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Jtrace,

What are your ages?

Ages of the children?

How did you meet?

Will you be able to support yourself if you leave?

Is your only reason for not leaving is that you haven't figured out a "nice" way to do it?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: Hi my age is 31 my oartners is 59.
Chidren boy 14 boy 10...not my partners.
boy 8 and girl 5....are my partners.
We met in his pub, and I left my husband for him! I was 22.
I dont think I will be able to support my self if I was to leave. I have so much debt at the moment. My reasons for staying are because my children do love him and I feel so guilty for "ruining his life" as he would put it. But he dont consider my happiness, or how I feel. He doesnt except that he makes me feel sad most of the time. If I was heartless then I would of walked away long ago, but Im not.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.

Hello Jtrace

How did your husband feel when you left?

Do you think your children would love him any less if you left?

Do you love him and want to work it out?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: I dont think my kids would love him any less but its the heart break they have to go through if we did split up. My oldest son says he dont want us to leave or for my partner to leave. I seem to be in a no win situation. Sometimes I try to make it work and I am the only one in the house to reason. I dont know if I really want to stay with him. I dont know if I love him. I seem to think the damage is done and its hard to repair something thts broken.
My ex is now out of the scene and has ben for a long time. We married and shouldnt have it was one of those things. He has a new life and I dont want him in my life.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 9 years ago.


I asked about your ex because I wanted you to think about how he felt when you left. Have you thought about the possibility that maybe you shouldn't have gotten with this guy either? You have to decide if you love him enough to stay with him, or if you love yourself enough to leave. Studies have shown that couples that stay together for the sake of the children can cause more damage to the children than if they leave, especially when they are not affectionate towards one another and/or they argue. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else. If you cannot afford to leave then you have to try and talk to him about how you feel and let him know that you are unhappy. If he thinks you leaving would ruin his life, then he should be willing to compromise with you to make sure the both of you can be happy.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.


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