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KimberlyF, Longtime Relationship Expert
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 750
Experience:  Relationship expert for almost three years with
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I am a 41 year old married man in reasonably good health ...

Customer Question

I am a 41 year old married man in reasonably good health but I don''t have any interest in sex with my wife of 13 years. I did something really stupid a couple of months ago and that is sleep with another woman. My wife found out and of course is hurt and asked me to leave. She want to sit down and talk with me next week but I know she wants a divorce. What can I do to save this? What is wrong with me?
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.

HiCustomer Thank you for asking your question on Just Answer. The other Experts and I are working on your answer. By the way, it would help us to know:

-How did your wife find out?

-Do you know why you don't want sex with your wife?

-How long ago did you cheat with this woman?

-Could you explain your situation a little more?

Thank you again for trusting us with your problem. Please reply as soon as possible so that we can finish answering your question.

Customer: replied 9 years ago.
Reply to KimberlyF's Post: I went out with the woman one nite and told my wife I was going out with the boys and she never believed it. She is a good detective and I am a stupid cheater so she just kept looking until she could find enough evidence that I had to confess. I don't know why I don't think about having sex with my wife. I even gave her permission to have a lover because she was going to leave me over my low sex drive but I just don't know why I went to someone else and not my wife when I got a sexual urge. I had sex with a co-worker on 11-24-2007 and my wife found out 1-2-08 and asked me to leave, I am seeing a therapist now to work on me but is there anything that I can do to save my marriage from the dumbest mistake ever.
Expert:  KimberlyF replied 9 years ago.



Maybe you should explain to your wife that you made the biggest mistake of your life and regret doing it, also let her know that you are seeing a counselor and maybe suggest that she give Marriage Counseling a chance before filing for divorce the counselor could possibly help you to understand why you felt you had to go outside the marriage instead of having sex with your wife. Also Marriage counseling could help you both to better communicate and deal with your feelings so that you could possibly make your marriage work. What you will need to do is suggest this to your wife but then tell her that you will give her time if she needs it to think if this would be a good idea. It's going to take time to get her trust back and you have to make sure you are willing to do that. You have to show your wife that you're remorseful and want the marriage to work and possibly talk to a Doctor about your sexual urges and how to enhance them.

What is most important right now is to give your wife time this happened recently so the wounds are still fresh in her mind, she may not be ready to give you what you needs but with time she could find it in her heart to at least think about the Marriage counseling. You have to reassure your wife that you will never do that again, it probably hurt double for her knowing that when you were ready to give into the sexual urge you choose do it with someone other than her so try not to cheapen her pain and allow her to have that pain and communicate to you that pain if she wants to do that. Ask her if she would even consider giving you a second chance.

The final decision is your wife's but you can at least suggest the counseling and possible reconciliation of the marriage. If you have anything to add click reply it is free.