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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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I am engaged to a wonderful man, who unfortunately has ...

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I am engaged to a wonderful man, who unfortunately has an 18 year old son who doesnt work, and is extremely verbally abusive. He has had a lot of legal trouble, and my fiance has given up a lot to keep his son out of trouble, but it is ruining our relationship. I am afraid to stay at home alone with the son (my fiance works nights) but my fiance says that I have nothing to be worried about. He tells me over and over that things wont happen, like the profanitites and yelling, and yet when they do happen, he tells me what can he do? I really cant move as I just moved in 2 months ago and dont have the money. Can you give me some advice as to what I should do?

Hello Shastais,

What do you want to do?

Has your fiance suggested anthing?

The son was yelling profanities at you?

Have you talked to the son about it?


Customer: replied 9 years ago.
I want to stay with my fiance, he is a wonderful caring man, and yes his son was yelling at me to begin with, Talking to his son is not an option as he will not but just get mad, "I am not his mother and have no right to say anything to him", and other than saying that his son will be moving out soon, my fiance seems to not be able to do anything more, his son is on probation, and just got violated again, for not finishing the requirements of his probation. I hope this helps, thank you for any help you can give.

Hello Shastais,

You have very limited options.

1. Ask him to make his son leave - not only will he probably not do this right at this moment, but if he did do it, he would probably resent you for forcing him to do it.

2. Deal with it - at least for the moment until he's ready to have the son leave. Avoid getting into any confrontations and basically avoid him. Not the most comfortable situation to be in, but you have to ask yourself if you should have waited a while longer before moving in.

3. Leave - or threaten to leave. Threatening to leave brings us back to number one, basically you would be forcing him to make a decision between you and his son. A position no one would like to find themselves in.

Unfortunately none of these choices are very appealing and/or comfortable. Nor does it seem that any of them would completely solve the problem. You might want to try a little of all of them, try to deal with the problem for now by avoiding the son and give him time to get him out, ask him to give you an approximate date on when he thinks his son will be leaving, and if he doesn't leave by that time, consider letting him know that you can't stay while his son is there or it's going to detrimentally affect your relationship. When he's ready to have his son leave, then you can talk about living together again.

Ultimately its your choice, and in this situation there doesn't seem to be an easy choice. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.



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