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Theresa, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 877
Experience:  PhD. Clinical Psychology
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What are ways to agree

Customer Question

Is there some situations you have that ask couples about how they can come to an agreement
Submitted: 9 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Theresa replied 9 years ago.


There are many situations that couples would have to be asked to come to a decision.

I like to think of asking them to agree to disagree.

I will use a simple scenario of selecting a restaurant to go to for dinner as an example.

Wife loves Chinese food

Husband loves Mexican Food

They have made the decision to go out to dinner and now they have to decide whether or not it will be to a Chinese restaurant or a Mexican restaurant.

One of them is going to be disappointed with the choice that is selected but on the other hand each of them realize that it would not be considerate of the other if all they ever chose was their favorite. With this they agree to disagree realizing that their likes are not the only ones that matter in a relationship.

On another note:

The same couple has just had a new home built and it is time for them to choose the carpeting that they would like to have installed. The contractor provides them with their options. The contractor installs the wrong carpeting. The couple and the contractor are upset.

The couple is upset because they didn't want the lime green shag and the contractor is upset because this is going to be an expense that his company has to eat. The contractor also wants to keep the couple happy so he writes up a list of options that he can do to correct the problem.

The young couple are not happy with any of them because the botXXXXX XXXXXne is regardless of the option they choose their move in date will be delayed and they will have to pay another month's rent on their apartment in addition to their first mortgage payment. The one concern that the couple has is going to court. They don't want to end up having to pay legal fees for an attorney to have this resolved in a court room.

The young couple meet with the contractor and the contractor informs them "I have provided you with a list of the things that I can do to correct the error that I made. You are telling me that none of them is acceptable and yet you have provided me with no options that you believe would correct the error. Right now, the two of you will have to come to an agreement as to how you wish to proceed with this or we will have no choice but to present it before a judge and let him make the decision. I can wait another week while you think it through and if you haven't come to a decision at that time we will have to move forward.

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