Thank you for the additional information.
I'm not too sure you will like my thoughts on this. But keep in mind I am just being honest.
First of all what you need to do is either work on your own marriage or move on. You say you're together because of financial issues. OK, save money or whatever it is you need to do, but make plans to move on. You can't really get involved with ANYONE unless you are free. So if you will not ever love your husband again, then do what you need to do and move. You can't for a long term be involved with someone while being with someone else. Regardless of how you feel toward your husband. It's either workable or it's not. When people stay together for reasons such as money, kids, house etc. it's just a delay. And in order for you to move on with your life (if it's with this other guy or someone else) it can't be done.
There are some relationships that will work out to jump from one relationship to another, but most often they do not. Because people need down time. And then after that down time, then start back out. Otherwise you can be right back in the same situation as you are currently in.
As the saying goes, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. I know you said you have spent a few night with this other man. But spending a few night compared to living together with someone and having the daily stress of living, paying the bills, cleaning etc. is so totally different. Even people that do live together, things change down the road when they become more comfortable.
Not to mention the fact that what guarantee do you have that the new man wouldn't cheat on you some day as he is doing to his wife, his word? He made a commitment to his wife. And yet he is with you.
It does look like you have thought a lot about everything. Having a split family with his children, the ex wife etc. But I can tell you that "thinking" and "doing" are two totally different things. And having an already made family is one of the hardest relationships there are to survive in.
So if you are not happy where you are, then either make it happy and work on the relationship with your husband or find your way to move on. Even if that means you have to get a job to support yourself and live in a studio apartment for a few months. But you can't move on until you do all this.
And actually the same will have to happen with the other man. He needs to break his tie with the wife and become his own person. And then start a relationship with you, if that is where it leads.
But for him to leave his wife and kids for you, there will be regret and you already know that much. And I don't think you want to be blamed later on. So at this point, although I know it's hard and painful, let him go. If he truly loves you, then he will make the choice that is best for him.. which will either be to stay where he is at, or leave and come to you. But HE needs to make that choice. It may not feel like that is the best choice, but it really is. In the end that is.
So go ahead and figure out what you need to do with your current husband, once you figure that out, then make the commitment to do it. Which is either stay or move.
If your husband is good to you and takes care of you, then keep all that in mind when making your choice. Remember, there was a time you did love him.. go back to that time and see if it can't work. But I can tell you that it will only work if you stop thinking of the other man.
People get married, get into a rut.. the excitement is not there like it was in the beginning. But if he does love you.. then there might be something there, but you can't see it because you're thinking of this other person and we as people always tend to want what we can't have. But if there is something left at all, then you might want to try putting the energy you are putting into this "other" relationship into the relationship you do have.
But do keep in mind, you can't control the actions of the other man, but you can control yours.
So basically make sure to think "everything" through before making a move that you might regret yourself. Because once things are done.. they are done and can't be changed.
I really hope this helps and gives you some ideas to think over, so that you can make the best choice.
I'm here if you need anything else.
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