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Online dating - when should you stop feeding into true

Customer Question
feelings, gifts received, and we...
Online dating - when should you stop feeding into true feelings, gifts received, and we will meet soon promises that never happen?
Submitted: 10 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 4 hours by:
1/3/2008
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 10 years ago
Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2,897
Experience: Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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Hello Chloe,

Can you explain this to me a little more?

Who is this person? When/how did you meet?

How old are the two of you?

What are their explanations/reasonings about your questions?

Chase

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Customer reply replied 10 years ago
I have been talking to this person since October of last year he is we are both seniors. We met online. He appears to be a ligitimate person in that we have been exchanging little gifts through the mail to each other. We were to finally meet by taking a cruise around the 21st of this month, that was changed to Vegas instead. Now it's down to he cannot get time off from his work. Am I being mislead? When should I back off?
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 10 years ago

Hello Chloe,

If its been over a year since the two of you first started talking, and you still haven't met, then you have to consider the possibility that as a long distance relationship, this may not work. Its possible that he's avoiding meeting for some reason, it could be any one of a bunch of reasons including money, deception, fear, etc.

Maybe the meetings are built up to be too much, a cruise, las vegas, maybe you should make it simpler, like he come and stay somewhere close to your house and you just hang out for the weekend instead of committing to a vacation together.

A year is a long time. I would speak to him about it, try to get to the bottom of why its not happening, give it a couple more months and then think about moving on.

I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.

Warmly

Chase

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Customer reply replied 10 years ago
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: We have not been talking one year that's not what I said. If you read my question, I stated we have been talking since October of last year. Meaning going on 3 months.
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 10 years ago

Chloe,

Because you specified "last year" I assumed it was the October before last, that was my mistake. I still stand by what I said about it being possible that he's avoiding meeting for some reason, it could be any one of a bunch of reasons including money, deception, fear, etc. Also that maybe the meetings are built up to be too much, a cruise, las vegas, maybe you should make it simpler, like he come and stay somewhere close to your house and you just hang out for the weekend instead of committing to a vacation together.

Three months is not that long considering the holidays, so I would give it another month or two and see if he follows through on your next set of plans.

Chase

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Customer reply replied 10 years ago
I suggested my coming to visit him for a couple of days (or) he come visit me. I emailed this suggestion a couple of days ago. So, my question remains, do you think I'm being mislead? I notice he was online this morning but he was not talking to me.
Counselor: Ms Chase, Life Coach replied 10 years ago

Chloe,

Its always a possibility. Of course one that really hurts when we think that we've made a connection with someone. The truth is that many people who can seemingly open up and share online, may be the same people who cannot share their real lives. If he doesn't follow up with you within the next week or so, or if he cannot give you a reason or a time within the next few weeks then you may want to assume that he's not serious, and that he is misleading you. You could also be very upfront with him and let him know that you believe he's not serious.

Chase

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