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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, Life Coach
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
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my husband is always angry and gets upset over the smallest ...

Customer Question

my husband is always angry and gets upset over the smallest things. When do I start to take it personal? He won't talk about anything and he is mad at his family, (his dad, brother and mother). Because they don't call him, they've called but he doesn't return the phone call to initiate anththing. I think something is deeper. How do I get there??
Submitted: 10 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 10 years ago.

Hi Chilli,

How long have you been married?

How old are the two of you? Why doesn't he return their calls?

What does he do when he gts angry ot upset?


Customer: replied 10 years ago.
I don't know why he doesn't return their phone calls. He just says hes pissed off at his family, which is a longer story and which is does have reason to be. But, at the same time things are trying to mend and it seems its not good enough for him. I tell him that he should just call them and face some facts..... But he doesn't or isn't ready.
And on the other hand, we've been together 18yrs and he is 38 me 37. Things can be fine one minute then the next, like if the dog doesn't get out of his way, he just gets soo angry and then yells at the dog and gets an awful look on his face.
Customer: replied 10 years ago.
Relist: No answer yet.
Customer: replied 10 years ago.
Reply to Ms Chase's Post: he hollers and yells and calls names when he gets angry. You can't talk or say anything to him.
very unpredictable

looking for a response?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 10 years ago.


I'm sorry for the delayed response.

The two of you have been married a very long time, I'm not sure if this behavior has been going on for the duration of your marriage, if this is something that started happening recently, or if its only something that happens when he's upset.

If this has been going on for the duration of your marriage, it could be that this is just the way he is (not to say that it's right for him to be this way), if it recently started then it could be that he's experiencing some psychological issues (depression, bi polar, etc) and may need to see a doctor about his symptoms, and if it is something that only happens when he gets upset, it may still need to be assessed by a doctor. A therapist would be able to help him develop and practice coping skills to help him deal with issues in a more constructive manner.

I think you start taking it personal when it starts affecting the life you have together. You can't live hanging on a string, afraid to make a move so he doesn't get upset. That's a form of emotional abuse. If he is angry, then he needs to deal with what's making him angry, or deal with his anger in a more constructive manner.

Probably the worst thing about people who cannot control their anger is that it has a habit of minute he's yelling at the dog, the next he's yelling at you. One minute he's kicking the dog, the next he's kicking you. You never know how far its going to escalate.

I would be a little more careful, and if he does start to get out of hand, leave the house, don't try to argue with him or engage him, particularly if he seems really out of hand. Talk to him at some point and suggest that he either control his anger and get a grip on some of the things that are bothering him, because it makes you uncomfortable, or it makes you feel like he might do something worse. Tell him that you'll support him if he goes to therapy, even go with him, if you feel like you're up to doing that. Under no circumstances should you allow him to make you the target of his anger or frustration, and you should let him know that's not going to happen.

I hope this helps, if you have any further questions, feel free to ask, it costs nothing to click reply. If this has helped, please remember to click the green accept button.



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