I have a 4yr that gets mad quick and then yells and screams…

Hi I am a clinical psychologist and specialize in assessment and treatment of children birth to 6 years old. You are correct that many 4 year olds have difficulty with anger management. They are not the best at impulse control ;). Being clear and consistent about limits and consequences is the way to approach and change this behavior, generally. The caveat is that if there are underlying reasons for the aggression (i.e. trauma, anxiety etc.) that is another discussion. But in general, you can help him/her learn to regulate his emotions.

First anticipate circumstances that may or have triggered anger. For example, if he/she gets mad when it's time to clean up toys, give him/her a count down. " Johnny you have 5 more minutes and then you need to begin cleaning up" Stick to the 5 minutes, use a timer. This helps him begin to learn to self-regulate. At 1 minute say, "you have one more minute and then you will need to clean up." The mistake most parent make here is they say 5 minutes and after about a minute they say, "okay we have to clean up now." Which results in a tantrum. Stick to the time.

Next, be sure you do not present things as optional when they really are not. For example, instead of saying "Okay, It's time to go. Want to put your coat on now?" Say instead, " We have to go so you need to put your coat on." Here again giving her a count down is very helpful when it comes to transitions. Say, " we have 5 more minutes and then we need to get ready to leave." After 4 minutes say, "We have one more minute and then we need to go."

I recommend you look up zerotothree.com and go to the parents tab. There are lots of great information about behavioral expectations for young children and resources if you need them. Good luck.