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My 16 year old daughter (with her twin sister are the

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younger siblings of 2 brothers)...
My 16 year old daughter (with her twin sister are the younger siblings of 2 brothers) has no interest in school, what-so-ever. She is literally failing 3-4 subjects because he doesn't turn in any work. Last term she was "saved" with a medical exemption because the school feels there may be something going on. Generally, she is a very happy kid. She always wants to go with me if I run an errand to the grocery store, she participates in theater and has a nice group of friends (although they don't get together much outside of school, it's mostly on-line then). Whenever we talk about school or anything "stressful" she immediately gets annoyed and starts backing off. My oldest son and I would fight all the time about his lack of motivation - that really hurt our relationship. This time, I am taking a different approach and letting things work themselves out, mentioning it sometimes without getting into a fight, letting her see the therapist and hoping. As, I watch her fail out of her Jr year in high school, I feel like a very bad father. Although, I am happy to still have a great relationship with her. The only other thing I have to mention is that she is a bit heavy. Her twin is athletic and thin and she is a bit annoyed by that. Unfortunately, she enjoys eating and searches out treats if she can find them, and she always has.
Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Parenting
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Answered in 1 day by:
3/17/2018
Parenting Counselor: ASacks, Psychologist replied 4 months ago
ASacks
ASacks, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 116
Experience: Educational Psychologist and Parent Coach
Verified

Welcome to JustAnswer. I am an experienced Psychologist and I work with families and people of all ages. I am reviewing your question now and will be right back with a response for you.

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Parenting Counselor: ASacks, Psychologist replied 4 months ago

I would like to start by commending you for your question. It is not always easy to seek advice and acknowledge our fears. Furthermore, it takes a unique parent to put their relationship with their child above the demands and expectations of schooling and what is "norms".

It may be that your daughter is not motivated for school, or it may be that she struggles because she finds the content and workload difficult. The schooling system is built in such a way that it places children in boxes that they have to meet and conform to, and not every child can meet these expectations. Furthermore, the school system is set up in such a way that it focuses on testing memory often- which when you think about it in today's society is not strictly necessary... as all the information we could possibly want is available to us. The system is changing but it takes time.

Some things to consider. Perhaps she would be better suited to a different educational environment? There are many alternatives to the norm such as home-schooling. There are also schools that focus less on academics such as maths, science, history and more on vocations and topics of interest such as technology, design, art... Perhaps looking at her interests and aligning these more specifically with what she does at school may be helpful?

I only mention this as you say that she is mostly a happy child. However, if there are things going on at school that are making her unhappy, anxious, feeling bullied- these may impact on her academic work and should be investigated.

Have an honest conversation with her on where she wants to go and what she wants to achieve- not just in school, but in life. This should help clarify a path forward.

You are welcome to contact me again at any point to continue this discussion and chat about the best way forward.

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Parenting Counselor: ASacks, Psychologist replied 3 months ago

Hello,

I am just following up to see if I can assist you further?

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