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Could you please provide recommendations on how to let a…

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Could you please provide recommendations...
Could you please provide recommendations on how to let a 12-year-old girl know that her father is living with another woman and her mother is (casually) dating a new man after a divorce?Background: Her father suddenly abandoned the mom and daughter in August to have an affair with a young woman with whom he is now living. The daughter does not know that they are living together but the daughter knows that the father left because of his new love and it made the daughter feel very negatively toward the father.Is it too soon to let the daughter know about any of this? Is there a rule of thumb? Can you please share the impact on the daughter, recommendations on when and how to share the information, and how to make this easier for the daughter?
Submitted: 4 months ago.Category: Parenting
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3/8/2018
Parenting Counselor: The1Caretaker, Child Care replied 4 months ago
The1Caretaker
The1Caretaker, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,854
Experience: Licensed business owner&operator; consultant; parent/grandparent
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How to share this information? With honesty and gentleness toward all involved. Since the girl knows why dad left, it's long over due to explain that while every couple marries with 'forever' in mind and heart, sometimes they grow apart. When this happens it's not fair to either of them to stay together and be unhappy.

So now dad is with someone who is making him happy and mom is exploring her opportunities, but one thing remains constant and is something they agree upon - that SHE matters.

No matter what other choices they make; no matter what mistakes they make, the one thing in life they did perfectly right is her. The one thing in life that will always have their complete love and devotion, is her.

To this end they both hope she can be patient with them as they figure out whether their new person is their 'forever' person. No one knows the future except that she'll always be the product of their love - right through to their very last day on earth this will be an unshakable truth.

So they hope she doesn't judge them and will always love them like they will always love her. And that she needs to be respectful and kind to whomever her parents have in their lives because it's not the 'new' persons' fault for anything. Encourage empathy for the new people, explaining that they are likely uncomfortable and even scared about being in a new relationship with someone who already has a daughter.

Basically, that while all these things happening are new, unplanned and sometimes frightening, the foundation of her parents is and will always be her. She will always be the reminder of how much they loved each other - and in that way, always will

Just stay honest without voicing opinions on anything or anyone.

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