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My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with…

My step daughter is 22...
My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with us. I’ve been with her mom for 10 years now and this child now adult has always been very selfish. She puts herself first for everything and always seems to think our world should revolve around her. For example at dinner each night we talk about her. Every dinner.She seems to think that we are the three musketeers of some sort and that we pivot around her as the center. She physically always needs to be in the center. Her mom seems immune to it and almost too tired of it to try another way to deal with it. But it is suffocating me and truly making me crazy.The daughter just met a guy who she only sees at his apartment or at his job when he doesn’t need to pay. We have pointed out over the past month that he treats her with little to no interest outside of this and no effort, but she still goes.Today, her elderly and very sick grandmother came to family New Years Day dinner amen this kid opted to hang and watch tv at the guys house.I am livid. I want to tell her how selfish she is again and give her a piece of my mind but she will always do what she wants.How do I handle her without her causing me have a stroke or hurting my life with her mom?
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Answered in 1 hour by:
1/2/2018
The1Caretaker
The1Caretaker, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,711
Experience: Licensed business owner&operator; consultant; parent/grandparent
Verified

I understand exactly how you feel. Tell me, when she moved back in was she given a 'lease' ? A set time frame that she would have to find her own legs and stand on them?

Is she working or going to school?

Is she paying for her room and board?

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Customer reply replied 1 month ago
She didn’t even as to move back, she assumed and what could we do. No time frame given. She’s in grad school. She’s paying $100 a month but we also pay for her car payment and cell phone

Well, daughter won't like this part at all and it might be easier to just have mom read this and let me talk with her as well as you:

Daughter needs a time limit. Decide this among yourselves (you and your wife) and then tell daughter. A limit of her living without actually paying her way like others her age are doing, will motivate her to work and try harder than individuals with no incentive whatsoever to do or be anything.

Daughter also needs to be motivated to work for her living instead of feeling owed a living.

Neither of you would be doing her any favors by enabling her to be a 'user'. There is something terribly sad about a life wasted because the person has never faced a challenge or figured out how to get through rough spots, how to live frugally and how to truly appreciate the small things they get in life.

When she begins talking about herself again, nod and smile, then carry on a conversation with your wife as if it were just the two of you.

Paying on her car? Maybe she needs to sell it and find one she can pay cash for. One less bill SHE needs to pay. If this isn't an option then she needs to figure out how to pay for HER car. You really shouldn't be doing this - unless, of course, it's now in your name and your car to sell when the day comes.

Cell phone? There are plenty of $30/month no frills plans out there or even pay as you go user cards that purchase minutes. If she can't afford the plan she's got, get another plan or (gasp!) no cell phone.

I know this all seems harsh, but I've seen where this type of behavior leads. A 40 year old still living at home, not using their education because they don't have to, everything is paid for by mom/dad and they never know the joy of overcoming hard times or figuring out 'how to' (do anything) on their own

It's our worst times in life, the ones we are sure we'll never, ever survive, that builds character every time we make our way through them. Mom's and Dad's do their children no favor by 'protecting' them from this. Parents are actually hurting their children by shielding them from life. What happens to them when you're gone?

The1Caretaker
The1Caretaker, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,711
Experience: Licensed business owner&operator; consultant; parent/grandparent
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The1Caretaker
The1Caretaker
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