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I raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me,

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to build a strong bond...
i raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me, to build a strong bond. i was a young single mom and did the best i knew how. i then ended up introducing someone into both of our lives that i know very well and have always knew he was my one and only, and my little one and he are nothing short of daughter and daddy to him, her, and anyone who sees them. but its hurting her to see me not completely focused on her, she gets sad when i tuck her in at night and doesn't get why i'd choose to sleep with him at night instead of her, and she's just before the age of 5 and i'm not sue how to explain it so she knows that its not that i DONT want to, but theres only 3 of us in the family so in her eyes shes being made to sleep alone and its breaking my heart that she can't see it the way adults would. not only is this a problem but she gets jealous when im talking to him and interrupts most conversing we do if she isnt included even for like 1 minute. how can i explain to her and help her understand and transition so she can adjust easier? We were in a way forced to move from a home with just her and i, into his home temporarily until we all got a new home, together, bc it was my only option financially, but it IS what i wanted for every other reason but it just wasnt enough transition time is what im saying but it needed to happen.
Submitted: 7 months ago.Category: Parenting
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12/15/2017
Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 7 months ago
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,889
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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She is having a natural reaction to having to share you all of a sudden. There will be some time needed for this adjustment. Continue to spend special time with her as well as time together all three of you. Maintain a nice gentle boundary with her when she interrupts or tries to pull you away from him you can simply say give me one moment sweetheart when I am done talking I can respond to you. In time she will adjust but right now it is just during this transition phase that she has trouble sharing you. It is healthier for her to be sleeping on her own anyway so again this will be an adjustment period. When you tuck her in spend an extra 5 minutes with her maybe reading her a book and giving her that alone time with you so she feels safe and comfortable. When she asks why she cant sleep with you you let her know that at this age it is the right thing for her to be a big girl and just start sleeping on her own. Her feelings won't change overnight so it will take some time and practice with this new routine for her to get comfortable. Let her do it in her own time and in her own way with gentle boundaries around it all.
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Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 7 months ago

I await your thoughts.

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Customer reply replied 7 months ago
That exactly what I do, like to the T, except I spend like an hour reading books and then mama snuggle time for about 20 mins. But she gets upset when I tell her I'm going out of the room and guilty me and says why can't she stay up with us bc we are a family and can't seem to understand the concept that just like her and I have alone time that mommy and "her daddy Ryan" need it just like her and I. Special time is a concept that she immediately dismisses when I explain it that way. It's been about 2 months now and she's made almost no improvement and it's ripping my heart out! Lol
Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 7 months ago

And keep in mind she is 5 so all kids guilt even with other situations...2 months may feel like a long time, but at her age she needs more time to adjust. Keep the boundaries you are setting and in time, things may ease up.

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Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC replied 7 months ago
Please take a moment to click the rating faces to rate my support. You are not charged again for doing so but without it I do not receive credit for my time and support. Thanks so much and I'm here to support you again if you need.
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