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I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl…

I am currently married with...
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl who will be 6 y/o on March, 2018 and my son who will be 3 years old this month (nov, 2017).Their personalities are very different and I'm very close to both of them, however, I am much more connected with my girl. Since she was very little, we allowed her to sleep with mom and dad and right now I feel that neither me or my daughter can live without each other. We are growing closer and closer every day.I am making some major changes in my family's life, so I'm moving with my family to another state. In order to get a head start, I am planning to leave first so by the time my daughter finishes school in June 2018 the rest of the family can join me.Problem:Considering how attached we are, and this includes myself and the 2 kids, how should I handle this situation to prepare them for my departure. Although we can do real time video conference and talk daily, the interaction would not be the same. I need to ensure their well being (mentally and emotionally), so I need advice on how to communicate with them PRIOR to my trip on January 2018. I don't want the next 5-6 months to be too stressful for them and I don't want my departure from home to be too stressful either.Please advise.Thanks.CL
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Answered in 6 minutes by:
11/15/2017
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 953
Experience: 25+ years working with familes and 6 children of my own.
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Why not take your family with you now? I realize this would disrupt her school and such, but the separation from you would be much more traumatic. You can make it work, but nothing replaces the presence of a parent in the life of a child. I do not know your reasoning is why I ask. If you have not choice, sometimes you simply must do what you have to do.

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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
Hello John-Michaels,Thank you for responding. I do not have a job there, nor a place to stay. The plan is for me to move, rent a room for a couple of months while I find a job and then I can rent the apartment. During this time, I prefer that the kids stay with mom and my dauhter continues her school until June.Would you have a recommendation to suggest on how to prep her. I'm open to reading books or published literature to gain useful insights. As soon as she is done with school, we will reunite in Florida. We now live in NY.Thanks again.Carlos.

T​hat makes since. I was just concerned that the only reason was her school.

It does seem to me if you make too big of a deal out of it a head of time, you honestly might be counter productive. A good book for you to read together might be, "The Black Suitcase" by Shannon Cervone. Talk to them about where you are going and the different landmarks and such, as well as history. Emphasize the similarities as well as the differences. I probably wouldn't inform them of the separation until a couple days before.

The video calls are a tremendous idea. Understand, it is difficult to keep a child's interest on the phone. Be creative. Do something over the call. Make the call at bedtime. Read a book, play a game, or sing a song. Send a weekly postcard. Make sure they send you pictures too. Anything you can do to share the experience is good

I might emphasize to you how refreshing it is to hear from a father so connected to his children. I think you will do just fine. Just keep in touch,

Does that make sense?

John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 953
Experience: 25+ years working with familes and 6 children of my own.
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Customer reply replied 6 months ago
John-Michaels, thank you for the good advise. I am making this bold move for their own benefit in the long term, so I will follow your advise about reading together and making a plan to keep the connection alive while I'm there.Your feedback helped me make a plan in my head on how we can handle this short separation.Thanks again !!Carlos.
Your welcome!
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